Free Dr. Nicholas Is Ridiculous! by Dan Gutman Page A

remembered, so I wrote them down— The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria .
    Â  6. Where does freedom of speech come from?
    Any dumbhead knows that. I wrote— Your mouth .
    Â  7. Name one benefit of being a citizen of the United States.
    Hmmm, there are lots of good things about our country. But there was only room for one answer, so I wrote— Candy .

    Â  8. Who did we fight in the Revolutionary War?
    I had no idea who we fought in the Revolutionary War. I looked around to see if I could copy the answer from somebody else. Little Miss Know-It-All was sitting in front of me, and she knows everything.
    â€œPssssst!” I whispered to Andrea. “Who did we fight in the Revolutionary War?”
    â€œI’m not telling,” Andrea whispered back. “That would be cheating, Arlo!”
    She calls me by my real name because she knows I don’t like it. I leaned over to Ryan, who was sitting next to me.
    â€œ Pssssst! Who did we fight in the Revolutionary War?”
    â€œThe Galactic Empire,” Ryan whispered to me.
    Ryan knows just about everything there is to know about Star Wars , so he had to be right. I wrote down— The Galactic Empire.
    â€œNo talking, please!” said Mr. Granite.
    Â  9. Who becomes president of the United States if the president should die?
    Easy! I wrote— Chuck Norris .
    Â  10. Who makes the laws in the United States?
    Again, I wrote— Chuck Norris . I was almost finished with the test.

    Â  11. Who said, “Give me liberty or give me death”?
    I leaned over to Alexia, who was sitting on my other side.
    â€œPssssst!” I whispered. “Who said, ‘Give me liberty or give me death’?”
    â€œHenry,” Alexia whispered.
    â€œHenry who?”
    â€œPatrick,” Alexia whispered.
    â€œWell, which is it,” I asked her. “Henry or Patrick?”
    â€œBoth!” she whispered.
    â€œNo talking, please!” said Mr. Granite.
    I wrote— Henry and Patrick .
    Â  12. What are the duties of Congress?
    I giggled, because “duties” sounds just like “doodies,” and we’re not supposed to talk about that in school. But all I could think about was a bunch of politicians sitting on toilet bowls. I wasn’t sure what to write, so I just put down— number two .
    Â  13. Who invented the lightbulb?
    Hmmm. I had no idea.
    â€œPsssst!” I whispered to Michael, who was sitting behind me. “Who invented the lightbulb?”
    â€œBob Lightbulb,” he whispered back.
    Bob Lightbulb? I never heard of anybody named Bob Lightbulb. Michael may have been yanking my chain. But I know that a lot of stuff was named after the people who invented it. Like McDonald’s. And that vacuum cleaner was named after President Hoover. Maybe Michael was right. I wrote— Bob Lightbulb .
    Â  14. Who helped the Pilgrims when they came to America?
    Hmmm. When the Pilgrims came to America, they probably had to chop down trees, build their own houses, and work on all kinds of do-it-yourself projects like that. So there could only be one answer. I wrote down— Home Depot .
    Finally, the dumb test was finished. Andrea was done before anybody else, of course. She was sitting there, all proud of herself. Mr. Granite came around and collected our papers.
    â€œNow, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked.
    â€œIt was a piece of cake,” Andrea announced.
    Why is everybody always talking about cake? And why can’t a truck full of cakes fall on Andrea’s head? *

3
Bad News
    After a few days we all forgot about that dumb test. Life went on. Andrea was annoying, as usual. I had a Pee Wee football game, and my team won. Ryan had his birthday, and his mom brought in brownies for the whole class.
    A week later Mr. Granite was trying to teach us math when an announcement came over the loudspeaker.
    â€œAll classes please report to the all-purpose room for an