Free Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 by Amanda Egan Page A

insecurity and, what would now seem, clairvoyance!
     
    “No, no Lou,” I lied, “I was catching up on the housework.  Must have had the hoover on and didn’t hear the phone.”
     
    “That’s orright then.  As long as you were as bored as me, I don’t mind.  Anyway I’m off now to watch a documentary about donating organs to medical science.  There are a few wee bits of Cam I might give ‘em.  He’s getting on ma tits at the moment.  See yeh.”
     
    Went to bed wondering if I have any normal friends.
     
    Tuesday 17 th June
     
    CCL meeting
     
    Really wasn’t looking forward to going to the school for our return meeting.  Ned had again made it more than clear that if the majority of the school had voted for the abolition of CCL, then he felt we should start to look at other options.  “And bugger the deposit.  I won’t have Max mixing in those circles.  I need to know that most of them are decent, Lib,” he added before heading off to work.
     
    Dressed in suitable CCL supporting clothes - jeans and a T-shirt - and parked our modest Citroën amongst the 4x4’s, Audi’s and sporty numbers.  Ned says most of them park using the ‘Braille Method’.  “Ooops, bumped it.  Must have been too close.  Let’s see if I can park in that space over there without hitting anything.”
     
    Have been told the parking at the school is atrocious on a Friday afternoon as they all bring their biggest cars so they can dash off to their country retreats for the weekend.  How lovely!  Fenella has already told me that she got rid of her Range Rover because she was sick of having ‘Rich Bitch!’ shouted at her every time she accidentally cut someone up.  “My nerves simply couldn’t take it any more, Lib.  It’s got nothing to do with wealthy arrogance, I’m just a lousy driver!”
     
    Anyway, once again we were shown to the staff room where Nerissa, the smug little gnome, was sorting through her notes and being ignored by other mothers already present.  Thought that was a good sign.
     
    Mrs Montague started with how good it was to see us all back and thanked us for our time and commitment.  She then went on, “Your findings made interesting reading and show the school in a very favourable light.  We have always prided ourselves on being a caring school and this survey has reinforced that.”  She then paused and looked directly at Nerissa, “In short, Mrs Constantinou, all parents - with the exception of five, with whom I’m sure you are on first name terms - have voted for CCL to continue its good work and have agreed to help with future fund raising in any way they can.”
     
    The Gnome looked as if she was about to blow a gasket - obviously not the answer she was expecting.
     
    Mrs Montague continued, clearly loving every minute.  “Should you see fit to remove your children from the school because of this decision, you are, of course, perfectly within your rights.  I would however stress that you would still be required to give a full term’s notice or forfeit your deposit as stated in your original contract with us.  I would be grateful if, as class rep, you could pass this information on to the other opposing mothers.”
     
    She then picked up her files, thanked us all once again and said she had an assembly to attend.
     
    Oh joy, oh bliss!  It was heaven to watch.
     
    The Gnome just sat there looking like a perplexed pixie, deflated, except for her little cheeks which were beginning to puff up as a red flush crept up her neck and face.
     
    “Well …!”  She huffed as she started to gather her bits, “I can’t believe you all support CCL.  ‘Couldn’t Care Less’, more like.  Well if you want to wait until the school is full of hoodies selling crack and our children are being mugged for their packedlunches until you see sense, that’s up to you.  Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to go through ‘The Good School Guide’ where, hopefully, I’ll find an