Free Absolute Mayhem by Monica Mayhem

best friend, Dez, were in the
car with us, and they were going to be our bridesmaid
and best man. Craven was at the wheel and I was sitting
behind – we'd had a big fight just before we left , and
he'd refused to let me, his future bride, sit next to him
in the car en route to our wedding! (Hmm. Was that an
omen or what?)
    Let me say now, with the wisdom of hindsight, that
I think getting married on a whim is a bit insane, to say
the least. (I don't recall being on drugs at that point, but
I did start up again after I got married.) As strange as
it may sound, we had made the decision a whole two
weeks before heading out to Vegas. I remember thinking
to myself, 'Is this really a good idea?' But then I decided
to do it anyway, thinking what harm could it do. (I could
always get a divorce if things didn't work out, right?) So
we got married at the Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel,
which I had pre-booked. I rented a beautiful dress, and
Craven rented a tuxedo. And Bella looked ravishing as
my bridesmaid, as she always did.
    When we got back to LA after the wedding, I was still
living with Bella, as Craven and I hadn't yet found a place
together. But Bella then let another porn star move in
with us and that completely fucked up my whole friendship
with her. This girl (who will remain nameless) was
obsessed with Bella and she was jealous of me and
my career. She would monopolise Bella's time, and they
excluded me to do their own thing together, oft en
walking out and slamming the door without even saying
goodbye. In the end, I couldn't stand it any more, and it
was a great relief when I moved in with Craven. Bella
and I never made up after that whole incident, which is
a real shame because she was such a good friend.
    And so began my period of domestic bliss with
Craven. Ha! To cut a woefully long story mercifully
short, my marriage was a two-and-a-half year disaster.
It led to me nearly ruining my career during what was
to have been my peak time, shortly after I got my boobs
enlarged in 2002. And I would much rather talk about
my boobs than talk about my ex-husband, so I hope you
will bear with me here.
    Ever since I'd stopped growing at 16, I had wanted
bigger breasts. So in LA, as soon as I finally had plenty of
money to spend, I asked around and talked to a few girls
in the business who had nice boobs. Among the famous
porn stars, Jill Kelly had my favourite set of boobs, so
I decided to go to her surgeon, Dr Fischer (who is now
on the TV show Extreme Makeover ). I was able to afford
being out of work for a couple of months, so I stayed
completely sober for the first month, got my boobs
done and continued staying sober during the month-long
recovery period. (Then I made up for lost time and
partied hard on New Year's Eve!)
    Looking back, I can say it was the scariest, most
painful experience I've ever had. It was scary being put
under anaesthesia, and it was painful from the minute
I woke up. All I remember is coming out of surgery,
hearing the nurses but not being able to see them yet,
and then figuring out that what they were saying
was, 'Stop kicking, you'll cause bleeding!' I was kicking
around, trying to wake up. Then I opened my eyes and
said, 'Is it done yet?' Apparently, I didn't notice the huge
mountain on my chest, not until the pain kicked in and
I had to have more morphine, which knocked me out
again. The swelling takes a long time to go down, and
then your boobs don't really drop for about a year –
that's when they start looking more natural. And, as the
years go by, your boobs tend to look smaller than they
first appeared, but I'm very proud of them now. That
was my one and only boob job.
    My bigger chest immediately made me feel way more
confident with myself, and I really had a great time going
shopping for a change. It felt so awesome to walk into
Victoria's Secret knowing I was able to buy a D-cup bra!
And I could pretty much wear any kind of top, whereas
when I had small boobs I had the worst time trying