Free Swimming Upstream by Ruth Mancini Page A

what?”
    “You won't mind seeing him?” Marion still looked
confused.
    “Why should I?” I laughed, rather too loudly. “We're
still friends.”
    “Oh yes,” said Marion. “Of course.”
    I raised my glass and smiled.
    “Hello,” said Larsen, coming into the kitchen. He
was wearing an old baggy blue jumper that I'd never seen before.
    “Hello,” said Jude,
from behind him.
    I was sitting on the stairs with a bottle of wine.
    “Alright,” said Larsen, sitting down beside me.
    “Hello,” I said.
    “How've you been?” he asked, rather woodenly.
    “So so,” I said. “New jumper?”
    “Not really.” He glanced awkwardly away towards
the living room door. I felt disappointed. I wanted to know how he'd been
coping. I wanted him to put his arm round me. I wanted us to talk like we'd meant
something to each other.
    “What about you?” I asked. “How've you been?”
    “Not bad. But Julia's moving in with Brian…”
    “Who’s Julia?”
    “His new girlfriend.”
    “Oh. I see.”
    “Yeah… so, I think I'm going to have to move out.”
He still wasn't looking at me.
    I wondered if there was a reason for him telling
me this. I wasn't sure how I'd feel if he said he wanted to move back in again,
into the spare room. Of course it was still his house too. And I missed him so
badly. Seeing him here, now, feeling him next to me, so close, but acting like
a stranger, was almost impossible to bear.
    “So, what are you going to do?” I asked.
    “Well…”
    “If you need to… you know, move back…” I trailed
off. “Into the spare room of course,” I added and laughed stupidly. Larsen
still wasn’t saying anything. I suddenly remembered his words the night we met.
“I never go back. Once it’s over it’s over.”
    “How's work?” Larsen asked me.
    “Good,” I said. “I did a seven-day shift last
week, so I've got a few days off. I'm programme editor from Thursday.”
    “You got it.” Without exclamation.
    The living room door opened and Jude poked her
head round and looked at us. I smiled. She went back inside and shut the door.
    “Well, I'm only acting up,” I said. “You know,
just a secondment…” I was aware that I was speaking very quickly. I was also
aware that Larsen wasn’t really listening properly but I seemed unable to stop
myself from telling him and hoping that he cared. “It’s for the lunchtime show,
in fact. Greg Chappell's got an eight week attachment at IRN. But in realistic
terms it means he's unlikely to come back again.”
    “Well, aren’t you on the up and up?” said Larsen.
He stood up. “See you later,” he added, and went back into the living room.
    I poured myself another
glass of wine and considered the up and up. I decided there was no such thing. With
an up, it seemed, there was always a down. Laws of gravity, I supposed.
    I wandered through the darkened living room and stood
there for a moment. The Happy Mondays were blaring out of the speakers. Karen
and Marion were dancing together in a manner that didn’t invite me to join them.
Larsen was sitting on the sofa, talking to Jude. I spotted the back of Doug’s
head on the balcony outside and opened the door.
    “Hey. Mind if I join you?”
    “Hey.” Doug patted the ground beside him and I sat
down. We stuck our legs up against the railings and surveyed the car park below
    “So how are you?”  
    “I’m okay. Thanks. You?”
    Doug nodded. “Roll up?” he offered. I shook my
head. “It’s nice to see you,” he added. “I’m glad you came. It’s a shame when
people break up and people disappear off the scene.”
    I smiled. “By people, do you mean Zara?”
    Doug glanced behind him through the window to the
living room.
    “It’s alright,” I said. “Marion can’t hear. And everyone
else knows you and Zara had a thing going on.”
    Doug didn’t try to deny it.
    “So… have you seen her lately? Zara, I mean?”
    Doug shook his head.
    “Nice girl,” I said. “I liked her.”
    “Me