Free Nights Like This by Divya Sood

resided, wouldn’t it have been between Anjali and me? Wouldn’t that have been the logical intervention? I rose from the overstuffed armchair.
    â€œI really, really want to go,” I said.
    She got up and leaned towards me.
    â€œWhat you said about it not just being about a lay? About liking me?”
    â€œWhat about it?” I asked.
    â€œI started falling in love with you the moment I saw you. And I don’t want to because love…love changes you. So let’s just keep it at lays. But here’s the thing with that. I don’t think we should jump into bed either. I want to know you. And I think you want to know me. Why don’t we start there?”
    It was my turn to be silent. I turned and looked into her eyes. Were we fooling ourselves with what we thought we could and could not control? Love? Love has wings of her own. I know that now. But that night at the karaoke-lounge, all I knew was that I wanted to stick to the little things because the enormity and vastness of the big things scared me. So that night, Vanessa and I kissed it all away. And as we stood there, my hand in her hair, her kisses strong and powerful, all the noise of bad voices and tinny music was lost.
    She kept her word. We left exactly when a half hour had passed.
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Chapter Seven
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    Vanessa’s studio was a five-story walk up in the East Village somewhere between Avenues A and B and 10th Street past bodegas and Thai restaurants and bakeries. The entire building was old and inconvenient and the stairs were dull and worn. I climbed cautiously, the floorboards creaking and rocking under my feet. She said what I thought just as I thought it.
    â€œGlad you don’t have to live here, aren’t you?”
    â€œNo.” I said defensively.
    â€œNot all of us have foolish rich bitches in love with us, paying our bills for the one fuck they might eventually get.”
    I held my breath and stopped my ascent. She kept walking.
    â€œIf you know all this about me,” I said, “then why are you here with me?”
    She didn’t answer and I climbed towards her as fast as I could. Finally we were at her door and she stopped. She turned to me, her eyes catching mine in a quick glance.
    â€œI’m here for same reason you’re here. Because I want to undress you and use you and let you have me.”
    â€œLet’s keep it at lays,” she had said. But then she had said we wouldn’t be jumping into bed. The confusion in my mind began to manifest itself in a slight headache.
    I said nothing but looked away towards the spiral of the staircase. She turned the lock and held open the door, waiting for me to enter her life. I did. I stopped short in the hallway and realized there was only one room with a bathroom to the left, the door slightly ajar. The kitchen was a stove and an oven, a small sink and a refrigerator all in a row to the right. She shut the door.
    â€œSo what do you think?” she said, “I bet this whole place is smaller than your bedroom.”
    â€œNo,” I said, “it’s not. It’s nice.”
    â€œIt’s not nice; it’s convenient, kind of like her apartment is to you.”
    I shrugged.
    â€œFour walls are four walls, remember?” I said.
    â€œI remember,” she whispered as she came towards me. She flung her bag into a corner and took my face in her hands. She kissed me.
    â€œSlower,” I said.
    â€œWhy?” she asked. “What are you scared of?”
    â€œI don’t want this night to end.”
    I wanted to be here with Vanessa, in a worn down studio, just allowing the night to wash over us and leave us alone.
    She kissed my neck. I imagined her as a baby in Puerto Rico, drenched with summer sun and squinting against too much light. When she placed her head on my shoulder, I stroked her back.
    â€œDo you want anything to drink?” she asked.
    â€œLook at you, the hostess!” I said as I