Free Card Sharks by Liz Maverick

‘I.’ If they can’t be bothered to form a complete sentence, I can’t be bothered to meet them.”
    â€œHow about going to a matchmaker?”
    â€œA coworker of mine did that. She paid a thousand dollars for the privilege of meeting a cowl-neck-sweater-wearing man named Saul with a comb-over who was very in touch with his feelings. Do I need to add that it didn’t take? I don’t think I do.”
    â€œMaybe the pet thing?” Bijoux asked tentatively. “I don’t think we’ve fully explored that possibility.”
    â€œOh, my God! Are you joking? You said you almost got arrested.”
    â€œI was just worried about being arrested. But sometimes men find a criminal streak attractive.”
    â€œSometimes they don’t,” Marianne said dryly.
    â€œWell, it’s not like walking a cat is illegal. I didn’t expect it to be so hot out, and as we’ve just established, we’d tried everything else. I like to be able to say I left no stone unturned.”
    After a pause, Marianne said, “Maybe we should go to Vegas and try to meet some professionals. Except we don’t even know how to play.”
    â€œWhy don’t we ask Donny?”
    â€œBecause Donny is playing poker with the boys!”
    â€œIf there are boys there, then let’s ask Donny if we can join in. I was already talking to Peter about it. He wants to write a story about poker. And I told him that Donny has a regular game and that maybe we could all have a little poker party.”
    â€œI don’t see that Donny’s going to be excited about opening up his secret men’s society to a couple of girl pals. You knowhow boys are about that sort of thing. The vibe is never the same with women around. That’s what he’s always telling me.”
    â€œNo, you’re missing the point. The point is that it’s a guy thing.”
    â€œWell, I’m not going to ask him. I’m not asking Donny to invite me to a poker game so I can get help for his replacement. That’s just wrong.”
    â€œFine. I’ll ask him. I mean, come on, Marianne. It’s just one game. He’ll think it sounds fun. Besides, what’s the worst thing that can happen? You slay the men and take their money.”
    Marianne sat bolt upright. “What did you just say?”
    â€œUm . . . he’ll think it sounds fun?”
    â€œNo, the other thing.”
    â€œSlay the men and take their money?”
    â€œYes.” Marianne looked at her with wide eyes. “Now that’s a motto I can get behind. You know what I like about you, Bijoux?” she said.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI can eat an entire box of cupcakes and wash it back with a handful of Skittles, and then top it off with Twinkies and mai tais without feeling the least bit self-conscious in front of you.”
    â€œI’m so glad,” Bijoux said.
    â€œMe too.” Marianne looked over at her friend and smiled. “Now pass me that bag of potato chips, will ya?”

chapter six
    D onny’s place generally looked like it was being bombed on a regular basis. He lived in Brentwood in a minuscule apartment just below Sunset Boulevard. It had white Pergo flooring and slightly curved edges, which gave it a totally eighties feel. He’d taken that theme and run with it, probably because going full-throttle eighties meant that he could decorate with all of the stuff he’d never gotten around to throwing away and calling it retro. Nagel posters tilted slightly off axis hung on the walls. The furniture was all pre–Pottery Barn nineties. It was the sort of place where a suspect from Miami Vice might have lived.
    He’d obviously cleaned the apartment for the occasion, because the various surfaces were cleared, and towering stacks of papers were piled on the floor up against the walls. From what Marianne had told her, with his new salary Donny would probably be moving to