âI.â If they canât be bothered to form a complete sentence, I canât be bothered to meet them.â
âHow about going to a matchmaker?â
âA coworker of mine did that. She paid a thousand dollars for the privilege of meeting a cowl-neck-sweater-wearing man named Saul with a comb-over who was very in touch with his feelings. Do I need to add that it didnât take? I donât think I do.â
âMaybe the pet thing?â Bijoux asked tentatively. âI donât think weâve fully explored that possibility.â
âOh, my God! Are you joking? You said you almost got arrested.â
âI was just worried about being arrested. But sometimes men find a criminal streak attractive.â
âSometimes they donât,â Marianne said dryly.
âWell, itâs not like walking a cat is illegal. I didnât expect it to be so hot out, and as weâve just established, weâd tried everything else. I like to be able to say I left no stone unturned.â
After a pause, Marianne said, âMaybe we should go to Vegas and try to meet some professionals. Except we donât even know how to play.â
âWhy donât we ask Donny?â
âBecause Donny is playing poker with the boys!â
âIf there are boys there, then letâs ask Donny if we can join in. I was already talking to Peter about it. He wants to write a story about poker. And I told him that Donny has a regular game and that maybe we could all have a little poker party.â
âI donât see that Donnyâs going to be excited about opening up his secret menâs society to a couple of girl pals. You knowhow boys are about that sort of thing. The vibe is never the same with women around. Thatâs what heâs always telling me.â
âNo, youâre missing the point. The point is that itâs a guy thing.â
âWell, Iâm not going to ask him. Iâm not asking Donny to invite me to a poker game so I can get help for his replacement. Thatâs just wrong.â
âFine. Iâll ask him. I mean, come on, Marianne. Itâs just one game. Heâll think it sounds fun. Besides, whatâs the worst thing that can happen? You slay the men and take their money.â
Marianne sat bolt upright. âWhat did you just say?â
âUm . . . heâll think it sounds fun?â
âNo, the other thing.â
âSlay the men and take their money?â
âYes.â Marianne looked at her with wide eyes. âNow thatâs a motto I can get behind. You know what I like about you, Bijoux?â she said.
âWhat?â
âI can eat an entire box of cupcakes and wash it back with a handful of Skittles, and then top it off with Twinkies and mai tais without feeling the least bit self-conscious in front of you.â
âIâm so glad,â Bijoux said.
âMe too.â Marianne looked over at her friend and smiled. âNow pass me that bag of potato chips, will ya?â
chapter six
D onnyâs place generally looked like it was being bombed on a regular basis. He lived in Brentwood in a minuscule apartment just below Sunset Boulevard. It had white Pergo flooring and slightly curved edges, which gave it a totally eighties feel. Heâd taken that theme and run with it, probably because going full-throttle eighties meant that he could decorate with all of the stuff heâd never gotten around to throwing away and calling it retro. Nagel posters tilted slightly off axis hung on the walls. The furniture was all preâPottery Barn nineties. It was the sort of place where a suspect from Miami Vice might have lived.
Heâd obviously cleaned the apartment for the occasion, because the various surfaces were cleared, and towering stacks of papers were piled on the floor up against the walls. From what Marianne had told her, with his new salary Donny would probably be moving to