Free Against God by Patrick Senécal

who seemed to
     know Mélanie, you eye her up and down for a minute, lost in thought, she glances
     your way as she prepares her cash float, gives you a vague smile, not that she
     has recognized you necessarily, you take a sip of your third beer, indifferent
     to the four or five other customers looking as lonely as you, and suddenly in
     comes Mélanie, she isn’t wearing her work pants anymore, she sees you,she’s happy, she comes over to sit at your table, you let her
     sit down without saying a word, she’d been to your place, saw you weren’t in,
     thought you might be here, you still say nothing, then she invites you out for
     dinner but to a restaurant this time, nearby, oh, nothing fancy, she doesn’t
     have much money, she’s been on welfare for months now, but the food is good, the
     atmosphere friendly, and you shoot her a puzzled look, you toy with the idea,
     you shake your head, and yet you accept, making a show of indifference but you
     still accept, Guylaine comes up and Mélanie explains that you’re just leaving,
     the waitress’ pout of surprise, then Mélanie heads for the exit and invites you
     to follow, outside night has fallen, just a few minutes later you enter a
     restaurant, a modest little place, gawdy decorations, soppy music, a room
     half-full, you take a table at the back, she orders the skewers, you order a
     bunch of stuff, way too much, Mélanie looks at you uncomfortably but says
     nothing, then she talks about Father Léo’s project, the Youth Centre renovations
     are coming along nicely, within a week’s time everything should be ready, she’s
     excited, passionate, elated, you listen wordlessly, the meals arrive, you eat,
     she keeps talking about her group of volunteers, then asks you why you didn’t
     stay today, you chew your souvlaki dripping with sauce, you say it doesn’t
     interest you, she isn’t offended, she’s disappointed but not offended, claims
     that certain people can be resistant at first, just like she was during her
     initial visits a few weeks ago, she only truly started to get involved a few
     days ago, but you sigh, you sayit’s not the same thing, from
     the start she was looking for help, whereas you aren’t looking, you’re not
     looking for any help, you’re not looking for anyone, and your voice is curt,
     your voice is harsh, your voice carries on propelled by its own lack of
     resonance, Mélanie responds that you just think you’re not looking for anything,
     you take a sip of the cheap wine you ordered, mutter as you ask why she wants to
     help you so badly, then she says again that she’s doing it for herself too, like
     all the people you saw this morning at the Youth Centre, they too are doing it
     as much for themselves as for the underprivileged youth, that’s what you have to
     understand, but you’ve already finished eating, you swipe at your mouth with the
     back of your hand, staining the sleeve of your increasingly worse-for-wear
     shirt, state with a certain tone of aggression that you don’t want any help, but
     she’s not discouraged, and her smile returns, gentle and sad, as
    - All the same, you move into my building, go to bars with me and come to dinner
     with me, even though I won’t sleep with you . . .
    always, she must notice your irritation because she takes your hand, you give a
     start, Mélanie says it doesn’t matter, Mélanie is patient, Mélanie will wait for
     your anger to cool, you pull your hand away then, you mutter that if she knew
     what you’d done last night, she would be a lot less conciliatory, but she
     doesn’t look away, she murmurs that everyone does awful things, you pull a
     sardonic
    - But I don’t give a shit what I do.
    grimace, she shakes her head slowly, her exasperating smile, and she murmurs
     one word, one only, “liar,” in a breath that brushes your cheek like a metallic
     feather, you stand up then, she asks where you’re going, you say you’ve finished
     your meal,