Free Before the Feast by Sasa Stanisic

Head, and a Face like mine, and a Face like thine, and a face like the face of Everyman.
    HE DOESN’T WANT TO DO IT TONIGHT; THE BELL -ringer doesn’t want to ring the bells any more. He should have been in the church by now, instead he stays lying in his bell-ringing uniform and his bell-ringing boots and his bell-ringing gloves, with his bell-ringing top hat lying beside him. He doesn’t want to ring the bells, never wants to smell the church again. The church smells like Great-Aunt Elsbeth’s wig, of pomade and dust, and Great-Aunt Elsbeth puts her wig over the little bell-ringer’s head, his whole face disappears under it, pomade, dust and sweat, and he’s supposed to turn round in a circle saying a prayer, his great-aunt hides and he looks for her, what a brutal game, you can only lose, you could lose consciousness too, that must be nearly ninety years ago, his great-aunt choked to death in ’44, think of choking to death on your food when there was almost nothing to eat.
    The bell-ringer is cold. If he’d listened to Rosa he’d have retired long ago, he’d be a pensioner watching the box in his slippers all day long, and now his knees hurt even when he’s lying down. Twenty steps three times a day, every day since ’43. He’s had enough of it. Johann will have to ring the bells alone, yes, Rosa, you do know him, Johann Schwermuth, son of Herrmann and Johanna of the Homeland House, yes, my apprentice, surprised, aren’t you?
    Seventy years, and how many days has he missed? Three! No bells ringing for prayers in Fürstenfelde on only three days! Not counting holidays and days when the bells were being maintained.
    Once in April ’45. At first he ran away like the others, but you easily died on the road, so he and his family came back and he went straight to his bells. The Russians let him ring them.
    Again at the end of the 1970s, because of Schramm. Schramm came by, Comrade Lieutenant-Colonel, asked whether the bell-ringer wouldn’t like to give it up, that noise reminded people of other times. But those times were over, said Schramm, we weren’t living in the Middle Ages any more, thank God, and in these new times the church was needed only as a place for events to be held, was wanted for deeds and not bells. Gustav, watch your step. I’m asking you nicely. Others will order you.
    The bell-ringer stayed at home that day and the bells didn’t ring, and after a while Rosa said: there are hundreds of reasons not to ring bells but politics isn’t one of them, so he went on ringing the bells. Schramm apologized to him last summer, thirty years late, but never mind that.
    The third time was when Jakob came into the world, and then he and Rosa were in Prenzlau. He made up for it with a jubilant peal the next day.
    When the ferryman was buried recently, he wanted to ring his old friend of so many years into the last darkness with the chiming bells, but his knees failed him. Later, he wentto the ferry boathouse and struck the ferryman’s bell. The lake was calm. He sat in a small boat. The landing stage was empty, the little boathouse deserted, no one had heard the sound of the bell. That’s the real meaning of Nothing, Rosa. When something exists and works, but is no use to anyone. Objects, implements, a whole village. The bells. They are still there, that’s all.
    Once upon a time, ah, once upon a time bell-ringers marked the beginning and end of important events, warned the people of dangers, of enemies, of the elements. Many bell-ringers were struck by lightning while doing their duty. By night, in a world not over-full of light as it is now, the bells were a lighthouse of sound for all wandering in the darkness. Here, where we chime, living hearts beat. Today? Today bells are the acoustic reminder that the church still stands. A wake-up call that no one has asked for.
    The best part was going home to Rosa after ringing the bells for