Free Just Make Him Beautiful by Mike Warren Page A

beaten th is guy up because of me and that the guy sought out revenge and shot Ray several times in the chest. I thought I would just keep that to myself , but the guilt was still eating me inside , and all I could do wa s cry. O nce I started crying, Keshia started crying as well .  
    Ms. Washington held and rocked us both. I guess all I really needed was to be comforted by a mother figure because my own mother was so out of it herself that she didn’t take in to consideration her other two children. I don’t mean that in a bad way because I couldn’t imagine what a parent must feel like when they lose a child.
    *
    Finally, Keshia and I went home , only to find M other still in the bed with the curtains drawn and in the dark. I asked her if she wanted something to eat, but she refused. I fixed Keshia and me a couple of TV dinners , and afterwards I put her to bed.
    I s a t in the living room alone and in the dark , afraid of what was happening to my family. I had cried so much , my eyes were bloodshot - red , and I was just tired of crying , tired of the pain.
    “ Please , God, take th is pain away ,” I begged, crying and rocking myself to sleep.

         
    Chapter 8
     
    Three days after Ray’s death, M oth er wa s still in her room, lying in her bed in the dark. My baby sister d id nothing but cry and complain about everything I d id. E ither I wasn’t combing her hair the right way , or the food I tried to cook d id n’t taste right. I was thirteen years old , and I felt like dying. I guess that’s why M other ha d n’t gotten out of bed .   Losing a child just ain’t right . God must ’ve be en angry at what my brother and I did. I suspect ed it was only a matter of time before God c ame for me. 
    I was so scared that every time the phone r ang , I jump ed . And the phone ha d been ringing off the hook . I f it wasn’t M other ’ s job calling, it was Dr. Ros s calling to see when M other was coming down to the morgue to have my brother’s body moved to a funeral home.
    Neither I nor my baby sister ha d been to school since Ray’s death. Fortunately, Ms. Washington ha d been watching Keshia during the day while I ke pt an eye on M other. The problem was , I couldn’t get her out of bed or to eat , no matter how hard I tried.
    *
    The following day, I sent Keshia over to Ms. Washington ’s apartment and prepared a hot breakfast for M other. I cooked scrambled eggs, bacon , and toast , and prepared a glass of cherry K ool -A id.
    I placed it all on a tray and entered M other’s bedroom. “M other , wake up . I’ve fixed you some breakfast. Come on , get up . ”  I placed the tray on the bed and turned on the lamp on the dresser next to the bed. She didn’t move. “M other , wake up.”
    “Leave me alone,” she spat.
    “M other , you have to eat sumf’n ,” I plead ed .
    “I don’t have to do a damn thing ,” she stated angrily. “ Now , get out of my room . ”
    “No , M other , I can’t do that. Every day you tell me to get outta your room , but today I’m not. I want you to eat sumf’n . ”
    “Who do you think you’re talking to ? A nd who the h ell are you?”
    “I’m your son, that’s who I am .”
    “S on , for your information my son just died. I don’t have a son no more . I have a daughter and a faggot . That’s what I got left . ”
    I was so shocked , I just froze. I couldn’t believe my own mother had said that.
    “Now , get the hell outta my room ! ” she yelled, and turn ed away from me.
    I picked up the tray of food, walked out of the room , and slammed her bedroom door. I was so angry and hurt , I threw the tray of food against the living room wall . It never really bothered me when other people called me names like that , but coming from my own mother , it stung deeply . It was the first time I felt my mother wished I had never been born.
    I sat down on the living room couch and cried like a baby . I didn’t have my big brother to protect me , and now I