Free Just Make Him Beautiful by Mike Warren Page B

didn’t have a mother to nurture me . Why was God being so cruel?
    *
    One week after Ray’s death, M other still la y in her bed , starving herself in the dark. I believe Mother was trying to kill herself .   I really didn’t care if she did. The pain and the hurt that I once felt had now turned to anger. I was mad at everything and everyone … M other, Junior , and especially God. The best thing about my anger was, it helped me to stop crying , and made me want to live. I wanted to live for revenge. It didn’t matter how long it took , but I w as gonna see to it that Junior paid for killing my brother.  
    As I lay on Ray’s bunk thinking about how I c ould take my revenge out on Junior and listening to my Patti Labelle CDs , I thought I heard a knock at the door. I tiptoed to the front door and pe e ked out of the peephole. Standing on the other side of the door was Ms. Washington and Officer Crawley .
    I opened the door. “ Is sumf’n wrong , Ms. Washington ?”
    “Cameron, Officer Crawley here says that he has been trying to reach your mo ther , but no one answers the phone. Is your mother home?”
    “Yes , m a ’am ,” I said as they entered the apartment .
    Ms. Washington headed towards Mother ’ s bedroom and knocked on her door . “Hello, Janet,” she said. “It’s Gerdy from next door. Officer Crawley is here, and he would like to speak to you.”
    “I think she still might be ’ sleep,” I said , as I stood in the living room with Officer Crawley.  I hop ed they would leave.
    Ms. Washington opened the door to M other ’ s bedroom and went in. “Oh my God !” she yelled. “ Officer Crawley, please call an ambulance . ”
    Both Officer Crawley and I went into M other’s room and saw Ms. Washin g ton trying to get my mother out of the bed .   M other looked to o weak to even stand. Officer Crawley pulled out his walkie - talkie , and speaking in police jargon , demanded a bus be sent to our address.
    Officer Crawley led me out of Mother’ s bedroom and closed the door. “Son, why don’t you go out in the living room and wait for the ambulance while we get your mother ready, ok ay .”
    I d id n’t know what they were doing in Mother ’ s bedroom , but in a way, I was hop ing that maybe she had d ied .  How dare she not care or love my sister and me enough to wanna live ? I f she wanted to die, then so be it .
    As strange as it sounds , while I waited out in the living room for the ambulance to take Mother to the hospital and possibly save her life, the only person on my mind was Mr. Jamison . With all the anger and hurt I had been feeling, I had suddenly begun to think about sex. It had been a minute since I ’d had that “ tingling ” feeling. I think it’s the brain that tries to even things out when your mind and body are going through such emotions . I t somehow balances everything out , or helps one ’ s equilibrium , shall I say .
    I had to laugh at the thought of feeling a little guilty , because I was so wrapped up into Ray . B ut then I remind ed myself that he wa s no longer here .
    I imagined Mr. Jamison holding me and kissing me and telling me how much he love d me. S uddenly , I snapped out of my embrace with Mr. Jamison because of the loud ambulance siren I hear d outside my window .
    “S hit ! ” I sa id to myself.
    The doorbell rang to our apartment . I watched the EMTs carrying medical bags and stretcher exit the ambulance. It was kinda embarrassing as people from the apartments came outside to watch what and who was being carried out.
    I press ed the button to allow them to enter the complex , and they ran up the one flight of stairs to my door. T hey seemed to be in such a hurry as they almost knocked me down as they entered after I opened the door .
    “In here , fellas,” Officer Crawley announced , as he opened Mother’s bedroom door.
    I stood out in the living room not knowing what to expect as I waited for them to carry Mother out on the stretcher. Would