Free Waterfire Saga, Book Four: Sea Spell: Deep Blue Novel, A by Jennifer Donnelly

the
Atlantic
!”
    “We will! We can go around them!” Yazeed shouted back.
    Desiderio threw his hands up. “Care to tell us
how
?”
    “We’ll figure it out! That’s what commanders do. We
have
to take Abbadon out first. If Orfeo unleashes him, there won’t
be
any Vallerio. There won’t be any Cerulea, or Miromara, or you and me. You
know
that. You hate your uncle so much, it’s blinding you to the fact: Abbadon is the bigger threat!”
    The two mermen were in each other’s faces now. Their loud voices were ringing in Sera’s ears. She knew she should say something, but she still couldn’t tear her eyes away from the shells.
    These shells are lives. So many lives,
she thought.
    Finally, Ling put her fingers in her mouth and blew a piercing whistle. Des and Yazeed both winced. They stopped shouting and looked at her.
    “Sorry to burst your eardrums, boys,” she said, “but we need to remember that we’re all on the same side here. Maybe we should take a break.”
    “We
can’t
take a break,” Desiderio said. “There’s no time. My uncle’s growing bolder. His ambushes are getting closer.”
    “I hear you, Des,” Ling said, “but maybe Sera should weigh in on this. Sera, what do you think? Sera?
Sera.
”
    Sera lifted her head. “What do I think?” she echoed. “I think that my uncle doesn’t care how many he kills. That’s his strength. I
do
care. And that’s my weakness.”
    “Sera, listen—” Desiderio started to say.
    “No, Des,
you
listen. You and Yaz…you want me to give the orders to go to war, but I can’t,” she said, her voice ragged. “War takes lives—not only the lives of soldiers, but the lives of innocent civilians who get caught in the crosshairs. If I love my subjects, how can I give a command that will turn children into orphans? Rob parents of sons and daughters?
How?
Can somebody tell me?”
    Sera waited, but no one answered her.
    “I thought I’d learned how to lead, but I haven’t,” she said. “Because I can’t do this.
I can’t.
”
    Desiderio swam to his sister. He put a gentle arm around her. “Shh, Sera. You’re worn-out, that’s all. Go get some sleep. Things will look different in the morning. You’ll see.”
    Sera nodded, feeling despondent. She got up to leave, but she knew she wouldn’t sleep.
    I’ll head toward the barracks to make them happy,
she thought,
then veer off and swim through the camp. Maybe a breath of fresh water will help.
    Des and Neela swam with her to the cave’s mouth. As she left, they remained where they were, watching her, uneasy expressions on their faces.
    The acoustics around the headquarters were strange. Hollows in the rock caught sound; jutting boulders bounced it this way and that. Sera could hear her best friend and her brother talking about her as she swam away.
    “She’ll be fine,” Desiderio insisted. “She just needs some rest. She’ll make a decision in the morning.”
    “No, she won’t,” Neela said. “Her heart won’t allow her to. She can’t be the reason innocent people die.”
    Desiderio didn’t respond right away. Then in a heavy voice so low that Sera almost didn’t hear him, he said, “She doesn’t have a choice, Neela. She needs to find a way. If she doesn’t, we
all
die.”

T HINGS WILL LOOK different in the morning.
    Desiderio’s words echoed in Sera’s aching head.
    “Will they?” she asked herself.
    They’d changed, all of them—Neela, Ling, Becca, Astrid, Ava. They’d grown. And she had, too; she knew that. She’d conquered many painful challenges since her mother had been assassinated, but this one—leading her fighters into war—seemed like it would conquer her.
    She was failing now. Failing her duties, her people, and herself, and the knowledge of it plunged Sera into despair. She felt so lost, so wretched, that she just swam forward, paying no attention to where she was going. Past caves, boulders, and clumps of seaweed. Past the north gate.
    Almost an hour after