Free I Have a Bad Feeling About This by Jeff Strand Page A

for and had hoped that an idea would occur to him between the time that he said, “I’m going to look for a—” and the time it was necessary to complete the sentence. Instead, he was distracted from his sentence-finishing when he stepped on a branch.
    It was a very sharp branch but not sharp enough to go through his shoe and cause any kind of foot-jabbing injury. It was merely sharp enough to make him stumble a bit and step on a second branch.
    The big problem with this second branch was that it was shaped sort of like a garden rake. Now, if you were to attempt to use it to rake up leaves or piles of newly mown grass, it would be a very inefficient tool. You’d quickly get frustrated, possibly use some foul language if that’s your thing, and snap it over your knee. The most important property that this misshapen branch shared with a garden rake was the fact that if you stepped on the curved end, it would cause the straight end to flip up at an extremely high velocity. You would have a brief instant of awareness about what was going to occur, enough time to anticipate the pain but not enough time to prevent it from happening. If you reacted quickly, you could say the “N” part of the word “Nooooooooo!”
    And then…impact.
    The branch felt like it split Henry’s skull in half, though fortunately, it didn’t really do that. His bellow of pain caused seven different species of birds to flee their nests. He squeezed his eyes shut and clutched at his forehead with both hands. “Ow!” he said.
    â€œOw!” he repeated.
    â€œOw!” he added.
    â€œOw!” he added again, for clarification.
    â€œAre you okay?” asked Randy.
    â€œI just got hit in the face by a branch!” said Henry.
    â€œI saw.”
    â€œIt’s not funny!”
    â€œI wasn’t laughing.”
    â€œAre my eyes okay?”
    â€œI think so. Nothing’s leaking.”
    â€œAre you sure?”
    â€œOpen them.”
    Henry couldn’t force himself to open his eyes. His subconscious mind clearly believed that if he lifted his lids, his eyeballs might roll out onto the ground, where they would be eaten by a bear. He knew this was an irrational thought (at least the bear part), but he couldn’t get his eyelid muscles to cooperate.
    â€œC’mon, open them,” said Randy.
    It’s okay , Henry assured himself. They can’t roll out onto the ground because they’re attached by stalks. Worst-case scenario, they got squished and opening your eyes wouldn’t have any additional impact.
    â€œI think I’m going to take a quick break,” said Henry, stepping away.
    He’d known that there were trees around. Plenty of them. So it should not have been a surprise when he smacked into one.
    At this point, he began to weigh the pros and cons of bursting into tears. He didn’t think Max would approve, so that was a negative, and it would be difficult to convince anybody that sitting on the ground and bawling constituted a domination of survival camp. On the other hand, maybe Monica liked sensitive guys.
    After a moment of deliberation, he went with the “don’t cry like a baby” option. He opened his eyes and was pleased to discover that they remained tightly in their sockets and apparently were still spheres. He was less pleased to see Max staring at him, arms folded, not appearing particularly sympathetic about Henry’s level of pain.
    â€œI stepped on a branch,” Henry explained.
    â€œI saw.”
    â€œI don’t think I have a concussion though.”
    â€œGood to hear.” Max looked at him as if he weren’t a very smart person.
    All right, Pain, said Henry to his pain, though not out loud. I’m not going to abandon this challenge because of you. You can just bite me.
    Hahahahahaha! said his pain. You’ll never overcome me! I am your master!
    No, seriously, bite me , said Henry.
    Oh, I’ll