Free I Have a Bad Feeling About This by Jeff Strand Page B

bite you all right. It’s going to be a bite that hurts! Because that’s what pain does! Rrrarrr!
    I really am a geek , Henry thought.
    WILDERNESS SURVIVAL TIP!
    I hate to be Mr. Obvious, but really, the best way to survive the wilderness is to stay inside. Sure, the outdoors has some cool stuff to see and do, but is it that cool?

Chapter Eleven
    Henry and Randy stood there, looking over their completed project. Henry wanted to say something inspiring like “It’s not the worst shelter ever made,” but that would not be accurate.
    Randy sighed. “I’m sure that somebody, somewhere, in a different culture, when humankind was first getting started, built a lamer shelter.”
    Henry didn’t agree with that. He wanted to take pride in their accomplishment, but he’d seen forts made out of couch cushions that would be better equipped to defend them from the elements. Halfway through, Jackie had been instructed to come over and vandalize it. He’d stared at it for a few moments and then decided that there really wasn’t anything he could do to make it worse.
    No doubt Erik and Stu had made an amazing shelter. Something carved out of marble that they’d found in the woods, with arches, a fountain, and housekeeping service.
    â€œMaybe we could—” Randy began, reaching out to make an adjustment.
    â€œDon’t touch it! If you touch it, you’ll destroy it! We just need to breathe as gently as possible and hope for the best.”
    The shelter began to wobble.
    â€œ No— ” Henry whispered.
    Wobble. Wobble. Wobble.
    â€œOkay, time’s up,” Max announced.
    Wobble.
    Max walked over to their “shelter” and shook his head with the expected amount of disapproval. “Do you two believe that this is an effective shelter?”
    â€œNot really,” Henry admitted.
    â€œBecause shelters are meant to protect you, not collapse on you and cause your death.”
    â€œWe know,” said Randy.
    â€œIf you can’t get into your shelter without wearing a full suit of armor, it’s not a quality shelter.”
    â€œAgreed,” said Henry.
    Max gave the “shelter” a light tap with his foot. It did not actually explode on impact, but it did instantly break apart into a pile of branches, rocks, and blobs of mud.
    â€œIf you’d been inside, you’d be dead,” said Max.
    â€œWe understand that,” said Randy.
    â€œWhy would you put skull-crushing rocks at the top ?”
    â€œThey were holding the branches in place,” said Henry.
    â€œNo, they clearly were not. There’s dust rising from your wreckage? Why would there be dust rising from your wreckage? I think you boys successfully made a shelter that was less safe than just dropping the materials on somebody’s head!”
    â€œSorry,” said Randy.
    â€œIs that part on fire ?”
    Henry hurriedly stomped on the burning piece with his foot. “No, sir.”
    â€œYou can’t start a fire on purpose, but you can build a shelter that bursts into flames when it falls apart? How is that even possible by any known laws of nature?”
    The pile that had formerly been their shelter was sinking into the ground. Henry hoped that Max wouldn’t notice.
    â€œIt’s sinking !” said Max. “Why is it sinking? How did you guys find the one piece of unstable ground in these woods?”
    â€œThis was a practice shelter,” said Randy.
    Max massaged his temple as if an alien were trying to break its way out of his head. “I don’t even know what to say. This could be what a nervous breakdown feels like. If I didn’t spend every waking moment watching for hidden cameras, I’d think I was on a reality show.”
    A snake slithered out of the wreckage. Henry did not comment on it.
    â€œI’ve always felt that if you’re going to rate something on a scale of one to ten, you should stick to that