Free Between Before and After by Amanda Dick Page B

here,” she cajoled, reaching for the bottle. “You’re gonna need to make another beer run into Picton tomorrow at this rate.”
    “So?” He moved the bottle out of her reach, locking eyes with her. “I don’t want coffee, Katie.”
    Her face fell.
    Why is she being so damn bossy? Can’t she see that I need this?
    “Max, please.”
    He could see that she was worried. It was written all over her face, that pinched look she got when she was anxious about something. He didn’t mean to come off like a petulant child, but he couldn’t help it, he felt trapped. Couldn’t she see that? He wanted to shout at her – at all of them – that this was why he had stayed away from them for so long. But he didn’t.
    He looked down at her, one hand flexing on the counter’s edge behind him, the other firmly wrapped around the beer bottle at his side. His heart sank. She didn’t deserve this. Misguided as she was, she was only trying to help. Relenting, he surrendered the bottle. His one crutch, his one magic solution to all the misery, and she was taking it from him. He didn’t have to ask himself what now . He knew what would happen. 
    “Thank you,” she said quietly. “I’ll make you one of my special coffees.”
    He sank back into the counter behind him and watched her work, quickly and quietly. Conversation seemed to resume in the living room, and he felt like screaming. He just wanted to forget – just long enough so he could sleep, just long enough so he could escape. Was that too much to ask?
    “Remember that time Danny was convinced there was a possum in the roof?” She threw him a sidelong glance before she turned her attention to filling the waiting cups with coffee powder and sugar. “He climbed up through the man-hole – Finn boosted him up because we couldn’t find a ladder. Remember?” 
    “He got me to pass him up the broom.” Good times. He could talk about good times. It helped to chase away the memories.
    Kate turned around, stifling a giggle. “Then Finn followed him with the cricket bat and that was it – no sleep for anyone till they found the bloody thing.”
    “And find the bloody thing, we did.” Finn leaned against the breakfast bar behind them. “I’d forgotten about that. I couldn’t see a damn thing up there, but he swore he could. He chased that thing around like a lunatic - he kept saying it was possessed by demons. I’ll never forget him lashing out and the bloody broom going straight through the ceiling!”
    “I don’t think Nina and Jim were too chuffed,” Kate giggled. “He had to pay to get it fixed.”
    Finn strolled around the breakfast bar into the kitchen, jumping up to sit on the kitchen counter next to Max. Gavin and Lacey joined in as they raced through the memories, trying to recall what had started the whole possum escapade that night.
    These were the times when Max wanted to talk about Danny. That was the only way to keep the darker thoughts at bay. When he thought of Danny like this, he could push the nightmares aside. He could concentrate on Danny’s child-like sense of humour and his love of playing pranks and how much he adored Kate and the Monaro. He could see his keen competitive sense and the stupid dance he did when he won a game of cards, or a drinking game – or any kind of game.
    All of these memories pushed the anger and the pain deep down inside, where he wanted to keep it. He tried to ignore it, because sometimes, when he was at his lowest, all he could think about was how unfair life was. He didn’t deserve to see the inside of his friend’s head splattered all over the wall. Kate didn’t deserve to lose the man she had planned to spend the rest of her life with. Nina and Jim didn’t deserve to lose their only child. None of them deserved to lose their friend.
    Kate stirred milk into their coffee. She was smiling and it warmed his shattered heart to see it. He wondered if she still kept Danny’s old cellphone in her bedside drawer