Free Between Before and After by Amanda Dick

modestly. She gathered her wet hair into a tight ponytail and twisted, wringing it out.
    “Isn’t it gorgeous here?” she murmured, turning her back on the house. “I keep forgetting, in between times.”
    “I know what you mean.” Finn sat down on the sand, clearly in no hurry to go back inside.
    She joined him, drawing her knees up and hugging them. Despite her best efforts, she was far too conscious of his exact proximity to her. Now, he was so close that she could feel the heat of his body next to hers, and it made the hair on her arms stand on end.
    “So, how’s things with you?” he asked.
    She shrugged. “Fine.”
    “How’s work?”
    “It’s good – busy, but good.”
    “Whatcha been up to?”
    “Not much. Just working, really.”
    “You’re not giving me much to work with here, Red.”
    She wanted to tell him about the new job offer, but she didn’t feel like talking through her pros and cons list again just yet – especially when he was a bigger part of her decision than she was willing to admit.
    “Sorry,” she mumbled nervously. “What can I say? Life’s pretty hum-drum these days.”
    His gaze lingered on her for a moment longer than was comfortable. She could feel herself blushing, and she hoped like hell it was too dark for him to notice. Turning her attention back to the scenery, she focused on the sky, artfully splashed with purple and pink. The water lapped softly against the foreshore. Even though it was a warm evening, she shivered again. Was he looking for something, or was it her imagination?
    “Oh come on – since my social life is pretty much dead lately, please tell me yours has been a bit more exciting?” he urged, jostling her playfully with his elbow.
    “Sorry,” Her lips curved into a smile. Anytime he touched her, she seemed incapable of keeping the smile off her face.
    “Jeez – don’t make me dig.” He jostled her again. “No mystery man? Come on – you can tell me.”
    Her smile faded as the line of questioning became uncomfortable. “No time for mystery men. Like I said, it’s busy at work, and I’ve been coming home exhausted. I fall asleep on the sofa most nights.”
    “Hmm. All work and no play? You know what they say about that.”
    He was right. She had no work/life balance anymore. What had seemed like the right idea at the time – to bury herself in work – had lately left her feeling empty, like she was missing out on something. What had happened between them at New Years had just highlighted that.
    God – New Years again. Why can’t I just forget about bloody New Years?
    “Y’know, I don’t think Danny would’ve expected you to be on your own forever,” he said tentatively.
    Even the cicadas seemed to hush. She felt violated, as if he had been inside her head and read her mind. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, not with everything she had hidden away in there.
    “I know that,” She reached down to grab a handful of sand, watching as it sifted through her fingers, its coarse texture soothing, somehow. Immediately, she picked up another handful, conversation deserting her. What might Danny have wanted for her? Did he even think about her at all, that day? Did he stop for a moment and look into the future, wondering what might become of her, left to pick up the pieces of her life?
    “You want to know what I think?”
    “Something tells me I should say no to that.” She forced a smile that felt more like a grimace.
    She hoped that the quip would keep things light-hearted, but she was mistaken. Finn was staring back at her intently, his blue eyes dark in the failing light.
    “I think you’re scared.”
    The smile died on her lips. To hear it said out loud like that was like a hammer blow to the solar plexus. She felt violated all over again. Was it that obvious?
    “It’s okay to be scared,” he went on gently. “No one could blame you for that. Just don’t let it stop you from living your life.”
    “I am living my life,” she