Free My Best Friend and My Man by Cydney Rax

and I was feeling real good just talking to my boy. Later on, who struts inside the restaurant but Fire with two other people? All of them sit at a table near us. I see her, but she never sees me watching her sit comfortably close to someone who I now realize is her significant other.
    The two locked eyes several times, smiling widely and laughing together.
    They sat shoulder-to-shoulder and ate gyro sandwiches and pork chops from each other’s plates.
    And when they moved their heads in together and kissed each other on the lips, sticking wet tongues inside each other’s mouths, that’s the moment I got over Fire.
    Because if a woman I love is kissing another woman in public, then she’s not the woman for me. So Fire did me a favor, with her undercover lesbian/bisexual/carpet-munching ass. The end.
    So that’s the past. Terrible. I need a different type of woman, someone who can appreciate a good brotha like myself. Someone who won’t take advantage of my kindness, dogging me out just because she thinks it’s her God-given right. I need a woman I can fall in love with, stay in love with, and know she’s not on a mission to disrespect me and break my heart. I’ve got some rules:

    No stalkers (meaning no women who call me twenty times a day and do drive-bys to find my car because they want to know where I’m at every second).

    No women who know the ins and outs of DNA tests.

    No women who won’t work because they’re “too cute for all that” (no woman is
that
cute).

    No women who go from sugar to shit in five seconds (at least pretend like you’re emotionally stable).

    No women who judge me solely based on my zodiac sign (I’m an Aries by, the way, and yep, we’ve got to be in control).

    No women who have the nerve to ask for money and I’ve only known them for a few days (do I have
stupid
written across my forehead?).

    I could go on and on until the sun reverses the way it turns, but you can figure it out. I have these standards, my little wish list: I want a woman who’s honest, has integrity, and is a good listener. I want a woman who has the sweet side but knows how to speak up if I say something certifiably stupid. Basically it just adds up to this: I want a woman whom I can love and respect and who will love and respect me back. That’s where I am right now. Expunging the old and preparing for the new.
    I think it’s time for your boy Seaphes to date smarter. Take my time and find a woman who once and for all deserves to be part of the Hill family.
    And I won’t stop until I find her.

—8—
    V ERON
    I am an active member of a book club and have been for the past three years. Our next monthly meeting will be held the third Sunday in March, and I’m hosting, so I get to pick the book we’re going to discuss. And it’ll be fun sprucing up my apartment so it is comfy for the twelve members.
    Of course, Demetria is the one who invited me to visit the club in the first place. “It’s the bomb, girl. We just sit back, let our hair down, eat good food, and spread all our business. It’s very therapeutic.” I was skeptical at first. I don’t exactly consider spreading my business something that’s therapeutic. But I was hooked from the moment I walked in the door.
    The thing that makes a club successful is the members. The main chicks are Gladys, a sassy, shapely sista who has been divorced two times, so she knows all the ins and outs of dysfunctional relationships. Then there’s Tweetie, who’s always smiling, positive, demure, and considerate. Tweetie has the huge shoulder you gotta cry on when you’re going through hell—no judging, just loving. I’ve also bonded with Mia, a Puerto Rican cutie who acts as if the world revolves around her. I don’t think she’s ever paid a bill in her life, and believe me, she wants to keep it that way.
    Every book club has a member who loves to spread negative energy. For us that would be Fonya. (Who the heck would name their child
Fonya
?) She