Free Wool: A Parody by Woolston Howey

I sit in darkness and wonder about the wool. There is no other, only wool. The wool is the life. We can’t have cotton. We must have wool. Everything is wool. Wool keeps people warm and cozy. Cotton is not anywhere in sight, only wool.
    Wool is soft and cuddly. Wool must be used to survive. Wool will keep people camouflaged. It will keep us from freezing. We need the wool. We must not eat the wool. Wool can be used for our underwear. The women can use it to cover their breasts.
    Wool is what makes people stay sane. Without wool, we are nothing in the world. We must try to grow a tree of wool. The children can bathe in wool. Wool must not be expensive. The sheep are outside. That is where we get the wool.
    We can sell the wool for a cheap price. People will buy the wool. Wool can make us stronger. If we have enough wool, we can turn it into cotton. We have no cotton, only wool.
    Wool is worth every penny. I did not know that wool would be so important. We can make all kinds of food with wool. We can make cookie wool, beef wool, and even vegetable wool.
    We can use the wool to brush our dirty teeth. Teeth will be whitened. The morale will go up. We need woolen smiles. The world does not have smiles, only wool.
    Wool is rather more useful than gold. Gold is hard and useless. Wool is welcoming and generous. We are the people that need wool to survive.
    God has given us a little wool. If we dream hard enough, we can have more wool. When the people die, we can try to turn them into wool. Wool can go a long way. Times are tough. Wool is precious. It is more precious than anything in this darkness.
    We can dance in wool. The women can wear wool dresses. We can pray on wool. Our knees can feel good on wool carpet. I can make wool my best friend. I know wool doesn’t talk, but if I try hard enough, it might speak to me.
    Wool is a man’s best friend. The sheep don’t have wool to give. I am not friends with the sheep. My heart is with the wool, always. I can give a lot of wool to my people.
    I can cover the walls in wool. There is no paint, only wool. We can have woolen spoons. We can eat wool. It might have an extra source of carbohydrates.
    We must never run out of wool. Our lives depend on wool. Woo l comes in many shapes. There is round wool, triangle wool, and rectangle wool. I prefer the wool to be flat.
    The men can wear wool hats. It would be a great new style. There is not much style these days. Wool socks are a must. Everyone will want to have wool socks. That will be mandatory.
    I can be the wool God. Everyone will worship me with all my great ideas. There is not one person who does not love wool. There shall be rules about wool. Anyone who does not like wool should be spanked. They should be sent outside, where the sun does not shine.
    We can wipe out behinds with wool wipes. That is a superb idea. I am tired of using hand. Wool is the perfect material. I am proud to be the one who has thought of all these inventions.
    I can be called the Wool God. I wonder if we can extract water from the wool. There may be a little liquid left in it. The water droplets may be fresh. It is possible. Anything is possible.
    I want to sleep on wool. I want to make love to wool. I want wool to be in my life forever. I want to be buried in wool. Wool will keep me preserved. I want to be remembered as the wool guy.
    We can have little wool pieces to eat during church. We can pretend it is bread. It is always good to dream of wool. We must not burn the wool. Wool controls the world. I wonder how powerful I will get with my wool.
    I want to be the only one to control the wool. I will keep it safe. No one will be able to touch the wool without my permission. The wool must be hidden in a safe place.
    I trust in wool. We can create money made of wool. A new idea can go such a long way. We can keep wool alive. We must believe in wool, forever.
    Wool shakes might make a good drink. It might be a little rough, but I’m sure people will love it. We