Free Selby's Secret by Duncan Ball Page A

now,” Larry screamed, flashing a set of teeth that looked like the keys of a concert grand piano, “we have a super-duper special for all you folks at home. This new feature is called the SpecialViewers’ Phone-in Holiday History Question. The first person to phone in the correct answer to this question will win a holiday for two on a yacht on the Barrier Reef. Listen carefully now,” Larry said, lowering his voice nearly to a whisper. “The question is: what country did Napoleon crown himself king of in 1804?”
    â€œI know it! I know it!” Selby yelled as he ran to the phone and dialled
Lucky Millions,
thinking all the while about the TV program he had seen three weeks before called
Napoleon: the Long and the Short of Him.

    Selby listened as the phone rang and he watched Larry Limelight on TV picking up the receiver.
    â€œThe answer,” Selby said coolly before Larry Limelight could open his mouth, “is … nothing.”
    Selby watched the compere’s smile fade.
    â€œI’m terribly sorry,” the man said, “your answer is incorrect. But thank you for being a sport. We’d like to send you a special
Lucky Millions
T-shirt —”
    â€œHold your T-shirt, Larry,” Selby said. “Napoleon didn’t become king of anything in1804. He became
emperor
of France in 1804 and king of Italy in 1805.”
    Larry Limelight read the card in his hand and flashed a blinding smile.
    â€œYes!” he screamed. “You’ve got it! You’ve just won a glorious trip for two to the fabulous Barrier Reef on the yacht of your dreams. Now could I please have your name?”
    â€œName (gulp) … ah, er … let’s see now,” Selby said.
    â€œWe have to have your name to send you the tickets,” Larry Limelight said with a laugh.
    â€œWell … of course,” Selby said. “This is Dr Trifle of number five Bunya-Bunya Crescent, Bogusville.”
    â€œWay out there in Bogusville!” the compere said. “That’s great!”
    â€œYes, and while you’re about it, could you please include my dog on these tickets. Mrs Trifle and I never travel without our dog,” Selby said, adding, “he’s a wonderful dog and we just wouldn’t know what to do —”
    â€œNo worries,” Larry Limelight said, putting the phone down. “The man never travels without his dog. Isn’t that great? Now let’s get on with the show!”
    â€œI did it!” Selby screamed as he danced around the room. “I blinkin’ well did it!” and then he started singing the
Lucky Millions
theme song:
    â€œLove that money madness,
See those dollars drifting down,
Sing away your troubles,
Hang upside down.”
    The next day Selby looked out the front window in time to see a man with the
LuckyMillions
crest on his blazer tramp through a bed of petunias on the way to the house.
    â€œUh-oh, what’s this?” Selby said, feeling lucky that Mrs Trifle was out at a council meeting and Dr Trifle was at the Bogusville Memorial Rose Garden working on the floral clock. “Why is he coming here? I thought they were going to
send
the tickets.”
    â€œDr Trifle!” the man called out, pounding his fist on the front door. “Open up! I have your holiday tickets.”
    â€œSlide them under the door,” Selby called back.
    â€œYou can’t have the tickets till you sign the form.”
    â€œWhat form?” Selby asked. “Nobody said anything about a form.”
    â€œIt’s the one that says that
Lucky Millions
isn’t responsible if the yacht sinks and you drown. Just a formality, of course. Now open up please, I’ve got to get back to the city.”
    â€œI can’t open the door,” Selby said, searching the corners of his brain for reasons why he couldn’t open the door.
    â€œWhy not?”
    â€œThe house is under quarantine,” Selby said, putting