Free Outside Beauty by Cynthia Kadohata

had an announcement.”
    I peered at his paper and saw that he was working on something called “The Quintessence of Beauty”:
    Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. This may sound “cliché,” yet is a “deeper” concept than a person might think. What is physical beauty after all—to a Blind Man? What is human beauty—to a Dog?
    He sighed dramatically, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders alone, as if there were no presidents or prime ministers or leaders and everythingcame down to him. “Lakey’s father is coming out in two days. Shelby, you and Maddie are taking a plane down to Little Rock tomorrow. Your fathers are going to pick you up there and take you home, Maddie to south Arkansas and Shelby to north, or Shelby to the south and Maddie north. I forget which—your fathers will know.”
    â€œTomorrow?” I said.
    â€œIt’s all your mother’s decision. I’m just the travel agent.”
    â€œWhy didn’t she tell us herself?” I asked.
    â€œBecause she doesn’t need the aggravation,” he answered.
    â€œIs she starting the plastic surgery?” I asked.
    â€œFirst the docs have to take care of her arm. Didn’t somebody tell you all this?”
    He paused, then looked at me and Maddie. “Your plane leaves tomorrow at twelve forty-five p.m. We’ll go visit your mother before you leave.”
    Twelve forty-five! That was practically morning.
    â€œWhy can’t we stay here with you?” I asked, wondering why I hadn’t thought of this before. “We’ll be really really good!”
    Mack sighed. “Because I ain’t your father and I got enough problems.”

    â€œJiro isn’t my family,” I said.
    â€œWho ain’t your family?”
    â€œMy father!”
    â€œYour father ain’t your family? I got news for you: Your father is your family just like your sisters are.”
    My sisters and I lay in bed that night trying to figure out what to do.
    â€œLet’s wish that Mom gets better soon,” I said.
    â€œOkay,” they all said, and we fell silent for a moment.
    That wish towered over everything else we could possibly wish, so we didn’t say anything else. I stared at the shadows on the ceiling from the streetlamp outside. I liked it here. We had a great life. And now we were leaving that. I felt like everything was shimmering around me and was going to dissolve into thin air.
    It seemed to me that everybody agreed our mother would recover, so the fear was not about her recovery, but about what her face and arm would look like. Even my face meant a lot to me. I mean, it was my face. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like if I had a different face or scars all over my face. I was already kind of shy. I wished that her face would be fine and that if it wasn’t, well, that was unimaginable. My mother
was
her face.

    â€œWe could run away,” said Maddie. “Does anyone want to run away?” She looked right at me, but I didn’t know what to say.
    â€œBut I love my father,” said Lakey.
    â€œMaybe we could all live with Larry,” I suggested.
    Lakey was silent. Marilyn said, “Larry’s wife wouldn’t like that, but maybe we could ask him.”
    But I knew from Lakey’s silence that she would never ask him. She wouldn’t risk her security by having the rest of us stay with Larry and his new wife. I knew I would go to Benton Springs, Arkansas, and I knew I had better get used to the idea.
    The next morning I had rarely felt so glum as we all sat in our bedroom in our special dresses that Mack had made us wear. They were frilly things, ridiculous dresses. The morning was already warm and humid, and the lining of my dress stuck to my underarms. Marilyn had called a brief powwow just so we could all get as much crying as possible out of our systems. So we sat there crying together.
    â€œI love my