Free Joy Comes in the Morning by Ashea S. Goldson Page A

church and saw Sister Winifred, her niece, and three of her grandchildren piling into their station wagon. I flinched at the embarrassment, still not believing that lady’s comment. I expected him to defend my honor in the face of Sister Winifred, not just stand quietly as if he didn’t even know who I was. Yes, Joshua had snuck away and gotten himself off the hook, or at least he thought he had. Even the ride home was awkward, but I didn’t dare bring up the indiscrepency. I just held it in, breathed deeply, and waited until the ride was over.
    When I arrived at home that evening, I threw off my church ensemble and jumped into bed, still seething with anger over Joshua’s ambivalence. I called out for Taylor, but as usual, she was not home yet. Why couldn’t she just calm down and stop living so fast? Every day I remembered what living the ‘fast life’ had taken from me. Then I started thinking about Dr. Harding’s offer and the motivation I would need to get that promotion. Maybe then I could afford to move on with my life.I turned on the television and flipped from channel to channel until I settled on the ten o’clock news. After watching a few depressing segments, I began to fall asleep. I tried to fight it, to wait up for Taylor, but as it got later and later, I finally gave in to my body.
    In my sleep I tossed and turned amongst the covers, waiting for Taylor to get home, hoping we could reconcile our differences, hoping no more nightmares would come in the meantime.
    I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I hadn’t heard my sister come in. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was already after two A.M . I heard a car drive up, so I stuck my head outside the window. No sign of Taylor yet. Frustrated, I went back to bed, but not without thinking of the twins again. Lately, they were always in my dreams. I walked barefoot through the alley, away from the unbearable squishing sounds, but they followed me everywhere I went. The farther away I ran, the louder the echoes became, so I covered my ears. Since I was totally naked except for a torn surgical gown, I shivered uncontrollably. Suddenly a sheet fell over my head, blinding me. Then I tripped in the length of it and fell, tumbling and slipping on the blood drenched ground until I was completely tangled up in it. As I fumbled to get free, I felt rough hands squeezing the cloth tightly around my face, suffocating me.
    â€œNo!” I screamed. But the more I screamed, the less I could breathe.
    Right before I took my last breath, I forced my eyes open, and I shuddered as a cold bead of sweat ran down my forehead. I put my hands up to my mouth as I realized it was all just another one of my nightmares. Why did I keep having them?
    I reached over to grab my Bible off the nightstand, flipped to the 27 th Psalm and began reading. “ The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” My eyes opened wide when the yellow glaze of sunlight hit my window pane. Its light flowed through the glass and onto my floral comforter, warming the very essence of the room. I sat up straight in bed, with my heart still beating fast, wondering if my sister had made it home.
    â€œDear Lord, thank you for this day. Please help me to not only get through it safely, but please help me to be a decent representation of your kingdom today and every day. In the name of the Almighty Jesus. Amen.”
    I peeped my head out of my bedroom and heard my sister coughing, gagging, actually. I knew Taylor had to be hung over again.
    I pulled off my cotton nightgown, grabbed my bathrobe, and went into the bathroom to shower. Before walking out, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. Admiring my somewhat heart shaped face, short bob haircut, big, dark brown eyes, and big everything else, I smiled at the thought that Taylor was my twin. My identical twin, yet there