have to let them push you around. We could be so much stronger together, you and I, than we are on our own, and you canât even see it.â
âI owe Mombi so much. She saved me fromâyou know whatshe saved me from,â Nox said. âI canât just turn my back on her for you, Melindra.â
âYou donât have to turn your damn back on anyone!â Melindraâs voice was rising now, spiraling upward as she lost her temper fully. Lanadel cowered behind her rock. âSo maybe you were raised by witches, but that doesnât mean you canât act like a human being sometimes! Why wonât you just let me get through to you, Nox?â
Nox was so stubborn, so unable to see what was right in front of his face. Melindra was right. There was no reason they couldnât be together. Nothing that the Order could do to stop them. Gert and Mombi were hiding the truth from everyone. From Lanadel. From Nox. From Melindra. Why was he so loyal to people who didnât even seem to care about what he wanted?
âWeâd be so much stronger together than either one of us is on our own,â Melindra said. âWe donât have to stop fighting Dorothy just because weâjust because I . . .â She stopped short of actually saying it, as if she couldnât bring herself to utter the word âlove.â And now it was obvious even to Lanadel that she was crying. She could feel her own heart trying to pull itself apart in her chest. Why was someone like Melindra giving this much of herself to someone like Nox? Couldnât she see that he would neverâcould neverâbe the person she wanted?
âMelindra, I canât be what you want me to be,â Nox said, as if he was speaking Lanadelâs thoughts out loud. âI canâtâI canât feel the way about you that you want me to feel. I only have room for the Order. You know that. Youâve always known that.â
âYou only have room for your own pain, you mean,â Melindra said. Now her voice was low and deadly. âWeâve all lost something to Dorothy. Even those little fools Holly and Larkin. And none of us are acting like the weight of the Order is on our shouldersââ
âThe weight of the Order is on my shoulders, Melindra!â Nox yelled. âIâm responsible for all of you! Mombi doesnât care in the end what happens to any of you. Neither does Gert. Neither does Glamora. You know that just as well as I do. Itâs all down to me, Melindra. To me . Do you think I like watching the kids I train die? Do you think I like living like this? Do you think I donât know what Iâm turning into? Do you thinkââ And then his own voice broke. Lanadel felt tears running down her cheeks.
âI donât think you think at all,â Melindra said quietly. âI donât think you know how to think for yourself anymore, Nox. I donât think you know who you are.â
The silence was deafening. It stretched out for what felt like forever. Nox looked at Melindra, unblinking, but he didnât say a word. And a sob caught in her throat before she choked it down again.
âSo I guess thatâs it then,â she said quietly. âIf I die out there . . .â She didnât finish, and Nox still didnât answer. Her voice was stripped raw. There was so much pain in her eyes that Lanadel wanted to break cover and run for her, but she didnât dare move. Melindra reached one hand out to Nox and then snatched it back before she touched him as if sheâd burned herself.
Without another word, she disappeared in a wisp of palesmoke. Nox stood staring at the place where sheâd been, still silent. Lanadel held her breath. And then her cramped leg twitched, sending a pebble skittering across the overlook. Nox whipped around.
âLanadel?â he asked.
She flushed scarlet and stood up, not daring to meet his eyes.
âHow much