Free Standing on The Edge Of Goodbye by Mary Eason Page A

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    Matt was still sitting at his desk, eyes closed, his third cup of coffee sitting untouched. He was actually considering how to convince Kate to accept his marriage proposition when Denny called.              
    “So, have you heard the latest?”
    “What latest? What are you talking about?” Matt forced his heavy eyes open. “Why are you calling so early, anyway?”
    “Someone’s in a good mood this morning. I’m on my way back to Silver Mountain, just coming in from Denver. Anyway, back to the latest.”
    Matt wondered how they’d sunk to this point. Denny was worse than any old woman when it came to gossip. He absolutely loved it.
    “ Okay, let’s have it. I have a feeling I’m not going to like it.”
    He heard Denny snicker. “Guess who the latest rumor mill has as the father of Kate’s baby?”
    It took longer than it should have to register. “Oh no.” Matt ground out through clenched teeth. He wasn’t surprised really. They’d been spending so much time together. But didn’t people have better things to do with their life than spread ridiculous gossip? He wondered if Kate knew.              
    “Gee , Denny, can’t people find other things to talk about?”
    “You 're kidding, right? You and Kate are probably the hottest topic around right now. Not that anyone who really knows the two of you would believe it, but still, I thought you should know what some of the less Christian population are saying.”
    “Go home, Denny. It doesn’t matter to me one little bit what people say about me. I just wish they’d leave Kate out of it.”
     
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    The following Sunday morning he was careful not to sit too close or give the impression there was anything but friendship between them. If Kate noticed his newfound anxiety, she didn’t say anything about it.
    Throughout the service, Matt tried to ignore the usual guilt that plagued him. He’d continued to attend each week, but he did it for all the wrong reasons.
    The woman sitting beside him wanted to bring him back, but he’d shut his heart away from that possibility a long time ago. There was no coming back to what one didn’t believe in the first place.
    “Will you show me Sammy’s grave?” Her gentle question cut through his thoughts. The service had ended and he hadn’t heard a single word.
    They were the only two people still left in the sanctuary. How long had he been sitting there?
    Kate reached for his hand. All of her compassion was focused on him.
    Matt nodded silently and they walked together across frozen ground to the gates of the cemetery. He could have found the way to the tiny headstone with his eyes shut. Yet seeing his son’s grave now, he felt nothing.
    Kate knelt in front of Sammy’s headstone, her fingers touching it gently. Something in her sincerity made him want to tell her what he’d never shared with another soul, not even Rachel, about that terrible night.
    He spoke softly startling her, his voice devoid of all emotion. “The night Sammy died Caroline told me she wasn’t sure he was my son.” He focused on Kate's expression. She was shocked by his admission. He nodded bitterly.
    “The night she left I told you we’d had a terrible argument, but I didn’t tell you everything. She was hurt when I told her I wanted a divorce. She threw her affair in my face and told me she wasn’t even sure I was Sammy’s father. I think I could have killed her that night, Kate. You can’t imagine how bad I wanted her gone. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to wipe the triumphant expression off her face. I heard a sound behind me. I never saw him, but I know Sammy heard us arguing. He came to see why. He overheard the terrible things we said to each other in anger. I should have gone after him. Dear God, you have no idea how many times I wish I had. I should have tried to explain what was happening, tried to comfort him but instead, I got drunk.”
    “Oh , Matt.” Kate rose