Free I Must Betray You by Ruta Sepetys

cane. Age or illness was no exemption from standing in line.
    If an outsider approached, they wouldn’t see Romania—once beautiful, lush land of the Romans and Dacians. No. They’d see a snaking line of frosty communism, huddled against the cold on a dark street full of potholes.
    I looked toward the front of the line. Luca stood behind the woman with the drooping face. Beneath the flickering lights of the Alimentara , the folds of her skin glowed an eerie blue. If Luca passed the university exam for medicine, he’d eventually be drinking coffee and counting Kents in the morning instead of standing in lines. He’d cure coughs, save babies from broken incubators—maybe even save women from drooping faces.
    Me? I’d be a philosophical wordsmith. A poetic traitor.
    My stomach murmured, reminding me it was empty.
    Would there be anything in the shop today? We stood in line, programmed, never knowing. If a line formed at a neighborhood shop, most rushed to join it. Last night after three hours in line, my father came home exhausted, clutching a dented can of beans covered in dust.
    â€œThe expiration date is 1987. Two years ago,” said Cici.
    My father said nothing, just shrugged. My father was quiet when he was mad, quiet when he was tired, quiet when he was happy, and quiet when he was contemplating. He felt inaccessible and I hated it. He was nothing like Bunu. How could a father and son be so different?
    â€œYour father’s hungry, Cristian, literally and figuratively. Ration cards in the 1980s? We had more food during World War II,” complained Bunu. “Do you see the lunacy of all this? They’ve got us brainwashed, standing in lines for hours, grateful for rotten beans. But what is the cost of self-worth?”
    I didn’t have an answer. My self-worth was temporarily detouring through the sewer.
    Liliana’s brother stood a few places ahead. He glanced back at me. If he was in line, that meant Liliana was still asleep. Did he know that his sister had invited me into their apartment? Did he know that I had held her in the dark? Did he know that I had thought about her all night?
    I felt a tug at my jacket. I turned. Behind me was an elderly gentleman that Bunu used to play chess with. The squat man with the spongy nose.
    â€œHow’s your bunu ?” he whispered.
    â€œHe’s fine,” I lied.
    â€œGood, good,” nodded the bulbous face. He leaned in close. “Give him a message for me. Tell him the coffee’s not as tasty as I expected. I’ll come to visit him.”
    I looked at him, confused. His eyes pivoted to his feet.
    â€œThey’re watching. The coffee, you’ll tell him?”
    â€œSure,” I said.
    â€œYou too,” he whispered. “No coffee.”
    I turned back around. They’re watching? Of course they were watching. And coffee? No one had real coffee, except for bribes. Was he referring to a bribe? Or maybe it was a joke.
    Or maybe, we were all going a little bit insane.

21
DOUĂZECI ȘI UNU
    November arrived. I stood in the entry of the Van Dorns’ apartment, trying to ignore the burning in my fingers as they defrosted. Did the homes of all Americans feel like summer? The temperature in the apartment had to be nearly sixty-five Fahrenheit.
    â€œHey, Cristian,” Dan called to me from down the hall. “I thought I heard the door. Come on back.”
    â€œCome on back” sounded like something we’d hear in American movies on video night. The way he waved me forward, I assumed “come on back” meant that I should join him.
    The room had a large color television—certainly different than the black-and-white Romanian TVs. There was also a video player and tall stacks of VHS tapes. Connected to the video player was a cord with headphones.
    â€œIs that how you watch videos?”
    â€œNo, family stuff.” Dan pointed to the light fixture and reached for a pad and pen