Free The Dinosaur Feather by Sissel-Jo Gazan Page A

He
still
didn’t want a child. He hadn’t wanted to sit down to talk it over with Vibe or Katrine or any other woman. But now that she was here, he wanted Maja. With every fibre of his being. He would never let her out of his sight, he would protect her against all evil. The feeling was like an unbreakable chain anchored in his stomach. That night he made a plan. He would visit Bo and Katrine as soon as possible and make it clear to them that the deal was off.
    It was a fortnight before Bo said it was okay for him to visit. When Søren arrived, he had rehearsed his speech so many times, he was no longer nervous.
    ‘I’ve decided that I want to be her dad.’
    Bo and Katrine had offered him coffee. Bo’s cup froze in mid-air. He gave Søren an outraged look.
    ‘You’ve what? You’ve no right to do that.’
    He slammed the cup down on the table. The noise startled Maja.
    ‘Bo,’ Katrine began, cautiously. ‘Let’s just hear Søren out.’ She looked up at Søren and smiled an almost imperceptible smile. Bo got up and went to the window, his back was shaking.
    ‘I know I can’t be with her every day,’ Søren continued. ‘Probably not even every week, but I want to be in her life and not just as a last resort you call when you’ve got no one else. I’m in this for good. Bo is your boyfriend,’ he said, looking at Katrine, ‘and I realise that he will probably be Maja’s dad in her heart. The one she plays with when she comes home from nursery, the one who reads her bedtime stories, the one she’ll hate when she becomes a teenager.’ Katrine smiled. ‘And also the one who, on some level, will mean the most to her.’ Bo’s back started to calm down. ‘But I want to be involved and if you won’t let me . . .’ he took a deep breath, ‘then I will go to court.’ A deadly silence descended on the room.
    Bo stayed where he was with his back to them, but Katrine said, ‘Okay, Søren. It’s okay.’
    Bo didn’t turn around, not even when Søren left.
    From then on, Søren visited them every week. Maja was becoming increasingly alert and Bo less frosty. Søren made an effort when he was there. He asked Bo questions and listened attentively when Bo told him about a particularly bad nappy, a broken night or an expression that might have been a smile. What he really felt like doing was bundling Bo up and hurling him out of the window.
    One November afternoon he found Katrine and Maja home alone. Katrine was breastfeeding, so Søren put the kettle on. When Maja had been fed, Katrine made coffee while Søren changed Maja’s nappy and put clean clothes on her. From the kitchen, Katrine called out with a question about Vibe. Until now they had avoided talking about personal issuescompletely, primarily because Bo was always hovering by the front door in the hope that Søren might be overcome by a sudden urge to leave. Not surprisingly, this rather put a damper on their intimacy. Søren’s reply was evasive, but when she had sat down again and Maja was lying between them, the whole story spilled out of him. His relationship with Vibe, which had started when they were teenagers, had to end because Vibe so fervently wanted to have a baby, but he didn’t; Elvira who had died never knowing that Vibe and he were no longer a couple, though they still saw each other, and now Knud who tried to carry on the traditional family Sunday lunch, ignorant of the fact that Vibe and Søren lived separate lives and pretended to be a couple purely to shield him from further pain. When Søren had finished, he picked up the little girl. They stood by the window and watched the cars. Maja opened and closed her mouth and Søren told her that a blue Ford Fiesta had just run a red light. ‘He’s lucky that your daddy is busy holding you,’ he whispered, ‘or he would have fined him.’ Katrine, still sitting on the sofa, asked if Vibe even knew about Maja. Søren didn’t reply for a long time. Then he shook his head.
    When he left