Free What We Talk About When We Talk About Love: Stories by Raymond Carver

first. I put on coffee and fix breakfast while he shaves.
    He appears in the kitchen doorway, towel over his bare shoulder, appraising.
    "Here's coffee," I say. "Eggs'll be ready in a minute."
    I wake Dean, and the three of us eat. Whenever Stuart looks at me, I ask Dean if he wants more milk, more toast, etc.
    "I'll call you today," Stuart says as he opens the door.
    I say, "I don't think I'll be home today."
    "All right," he says. "Sure."
    I dress carefully. I try on a hat and look at myself in the mirror. I write out a note for Dean.
    Honey, Mommy has things to do this afternoon, but will be back later. You stay in or be in the backyard until one of us comes home.
    Love, Mommy
    I look at the word Love and then I underline it. Then I see the word backyard. Is it one word or two?
    I DRIVE through farm country, through fields of oats and sugar beets and past apple orchards, cattle grazing in pastures. Then everything changes, more like shacks than farmhouses and stands of timber instead of orchards. Then mountains, and on the right, far below, I sometimes see the Naches River.
    What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
    A green pickup comes up behind me and stays behind me for miles. I keep slowing at the wrong times, hoping he will pass. Then I speed up. But this is at the wrong times, too. I grip the wheel until my fingers hurt.
    On a long clear stretch he goes past. But he drives along beside for a bit, a crewcut man in a blue workshirt. We look each other over. Then he waves, toots his horn, and pulls on up ahead.
    I slow down and find a place. I pull over and shut off the motor. I can hear the river down below the trees. Then I hear the pickup coming back.
    I lock the doors and roll up the windows.
    "You all right?" the man says. He raps on the glass. "You okay?" He leans his arms on the door and brings his face to the window.
    I stare at him. I can't think what else to do.
    "Is everything all right in there? How come you're all locked up?"
    I shake my head.
    "Roll down your window." He shakes his head and looks at the highway and then back at me. "Roll it down now."
    "Please," I say, "I have to go."
    "Open the door," he says as if he isn't listening. "You're going to choke in there."
    He looks at my breasts, my legs. I can tell that's what he's doing.
    "Hey, sugar," he says. "I'm just here to help is all."
    THE casket is closed and covered with floral sprays. The organ starts up the minute I take a seat. People are coming in
    So Much Water So Close to Home
    and finding chairs. There's a boy in flared pants and a yellow short-sleeved shirt. A door opens and the family comes in in a group and moves over to a curtained place off to one side. Chairs creak as everybody gets settled. Directly, a nice blond man in a nice dark suit stands and asks us to bow our heads. He says a prayer for us, the living, and when he finishes, he says a prayer for the soul of the departed.
    Along with the others I go past the casket. Then I move out onto the front steps and into the afternoon light. There's a woman who limps as she goes down the stairs ahead of me. On the sidewalk she looks around. "Well, they got him," she says. "If that's any consolation. They arrested him this morning. I heard it on the radio before I come. A boy right here in town."
    We move a few steps down the hot sidewalk. People are starting cars. I put out my hand and hold on to a parking meter. Polished hoods and polished fenders. My head swims.
    I say, "They have friends, these killers. You can't tell."
    "I have known that child since she was a little girl," the woman says. "She used to come over and I'd bake cookies for her and let her eat them in front of the TV."
    BACK home, Stuart sits at the table with a drink of whiskey in front of him. For a crazy instant I think something's happened to Dean.
    "Where is he?" I say. "Where is Dean?"
    "Outside," my husband says.
    He drains his glass and stands up. He says, "I think I know what you need."
    He reaches an arm around