Free Every Last Breath by Jessica Gaffney

you, I’m an open book honest, but what would you say to bringing Eli up to the mall this weekend?”
    Maggie felt torn. “You’re not hanging out with Eli because you miss your ex girlfriend and her kids, are you?”
    “No, she had an older son, he’s in college now, and two daughters.”
    She quietly sipped her coffee and kept listening. “I’d like to spend more time with you, and I figured that Eli was just part of the equation.”
    Maggie’s heart flipped. How could she resist? It wasn’t a date, but an opportunity and Eli needed to get to Santa to tell him about the magic boots.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     
     
     
     

CHAPTER 10
     
     
     
    Sleep came easy that night. An evening with Ben had put her at ease. The more she studied him, the more she realized this man could potentially steal her heart. She tried not to let her mind wander, which was good advice, especially since she just told Eli not to get his hopes up. But Ben’s presence in her home, felt right. It had never felt that way with Jack.
    His nerves, his anger, his harsh opinions, the paranoia, the control, the drinking; It was not a home. It was like living in a cult, with restraints on everything she did, thought, spent or said. Her therapist of course, was kind enough to point out that she had married a man who lived and breathed violence— his perverse ways were something she was now accustomed to. It tainted her ability to be objective and think rationally.
    Maggie hadn’t wanted to talk about what Jack had done. Saying it out loud always brought on the tears. It sounded much better when it was locked up in her mind, in her own head. But once she said it out loud and saw a stranger’s reaction to his behavior, well then the danger became real.
    Dr. Gibbons gained her trust. She probed Maggie to examine her reason for staying in the marriage. “I don’t know, I had many reasons,” was Maggie’s standard response.
    But, Dr. Gibbons was persistent, “Like what Maggie?”
    Maggie knew the answers. “Hope that things would change, trying to be understanding and making sure Eli had a relationship with his father, fear of leaving, and eventually fear of staying.”
    “Those are all common, among women in your situation. But Maggie let’s go deeper; is there a reason you are drawn to men who have the capability and probability of hurting you?”
    Her thoughts drifted to each boyfriend she had. Three out of four were violent. The only nice one died, long before she met Jack.
    “Who was your first love interest, can we start there?”
    “I guess it was my neighbor.”
    “Someone you grew up with?”
    “Yes, for a while, anyway.”
    “What can you tell me about him?”
       “He moved away when I was ten. I ran into him when I was seventeen, we sort of picked up where we left off. “
    “What went wrong?”
    “He was unusual to say the least, his conversations were dark. He had a high tolerance for pain, used enormous amounts of drugs, supplied them to dealers and had a way of putting his hands on me, to get what he wanted.”
    “So is it safe to say that Jack was not your first relationship that had abusive tendencies?”
    Her memory conceded, “yes.”
    “And what was the first?”
    Her hands landed in her lap. “I’m sure it’s not the first but my high school boyfriend pulled a machete on me.”
    “So a knife?” Dr. Gibbons inquired.
    “Yes, he had me pinned down on a water bed.”
    “Were you scared?”
    Maggie shifted in her seat. “I don’t know. Not really. I mean I knew the knife could slip and he would cut me. But I didn’t think he was trying to hurt me.”
       “Was the knife touching you?”
    Maggie felt exposed. “I think so, but I don’t remember.”
    “And why did you allow that to happen, Maggie?”
    She blinked, “I didn’t ask him to do it. I don’t know.”
    “Try to think of something about that event. Do you remember what you were thinking?”
    “I know I