Free Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life by David Topus

to allow you to assess whether and how this might be someone with whom you could have a mutually productive relationship. Your opening statement could be about the other person’s experience in the current circumstance, your experience in the current situation, or your shared experience. It can be about a conversation clue you spotted, such as a company logo, a lapel pin, or a binder. You can also ask a question. Drawing attention to the environment (again, this doesn’t mean the weather) by making an observation about it is a great way to start a dialogue. If you’re standing in a line somewhere waiting to order and you, along with everyone around you, are aware that the service is particularly slow, pointing to the workers and saying something like, “I think if they gave everyone a 50-cent hourly raise we might all be moving along a little faster,” would capture a common moment in the environment. It would also establish rapport, because you would be aligning with others’ circumstance and state of mind. On the other hand, if you are having a great customer service experience, making an observation about it to the person you want to connect with, something along the lines of “There’s a reason this company consistently ranks among the best firms to work for,” would more than likely gain agreement and provide a starting point for a conversation. Asking a question is also effective. Both of these break the ice, enabling you to gauge the person’s availability for further interaction—and set a direction for the conversation.
     
    It is difficult to proscribe an opening line; the best ones capture something about what is happening in the moment, making them almost impossible to script ahead of time. For example, I met the head of a major human resources consulting firm while on a flight simply by remarking on how adroitly she got in and out of the row we were sitting in when she got up from her seat. She looked like an interesting person, so I wanted to strike up a conversation and find out more about her. I noticed at the same time that, unlike a novice traveler, she got in and out of her seat without pulling herself up with the seatback in front of her. “I can tell you’re a veteran traveler,” I said. “You must spend a lot of time on airplanes.” Surprised by my observation and insight, she smiled and said, “Well, yes, actually I do. How could you tell?” And we were off and running from there. I explained to her how I had made that observation about her, what it suggested to me, how so many novices yank the seatback, and how refreshing it is to be sitting next to a travel pro. In making this observation and sharing it, I (1) initiated contact in a nonthreatening, complimentary way; (2) established my credibility by demonstrating that I was insightful; and (3) was able to transition into learning more about her by asking, “What has you traveling so much, business or pleasure?”
     
    An ideal and appropriate opening statement if you’re in a coffee shop is, unsurprisingly, about coffee; how much you like it, what kind you like, tips for making it, how many different kinds there are, a certain specialty beverage that this place makes particularly well, how it makes you feel, how much you drink. . . the list goes on and on. Just use your caffeinated imagination to fuel the list of remarks you could make.
     
    “I couldn’t help but notice. . .” is a fabulous way to gently insert yourself into what otherwise would be someone else’s business. This statement implies that you weren’t intending to be nosy, but you just couldn’t resist noticing/stating/observing—and who could, given the intriguing nature of whatever the other person is saying or doing?
     
    Opening statements or questions needn’t be profound or complex. To the contrary, a simple comment or observation creates the common human experience, neutral as it is. Sometimes a highly personal comment proves most effective, because it