Free A Moment by Marie Hall

“No, I’m sorry. I’m so freaking gun shy around you.”
     
    “Me? Why?” Crossing my legs, I rest my arm behind her back on the bench. Not touching, but close enough to feel the heat.
     
    I don’t know why I kept pushing this thing, she’s clearly uncomfortable, but I don’t seem to have any control over myself. I want to be as close to her as possible, as close as she’ll let me be.
     
    Being with Lili feels real, and there aren’t many things in my life anymore that do.
     
    “Because for so long I’ve only had myself to depend upon. I don’t let guys get close. And this is really deep for a first non-date, right?” She won’t look me in the eye. Pink floods her cheeks and it’s so damn cute, I have to fight to remember not to touch again.
     
    “Nah. This is what girls do, right?”
     
    Brows gathering into a tight vee, she says, “Girls?”
     
    “Talk about feelings and shit?”
     
    Laughing, she shakes her head. “Are you calling yourself my girlfriend?”
     
    Snorting, I lift a brow. “Absolutely not, I think we established last time, all man here.”
     
    “Oh, okay,” the lights in her eyes dance, “because for a second there I thought you were trying to tell me something.”
     
    Grinning, I say, “What I am saying though, is that if it makes it easier to view me as one, go ahead. I’m not going to bite, Liliana. I just want to hang out. That’s it. It’s not impossible for a guy and a girl to just be friends.”
     
    Which is true, but just not in this case. I want to be a lot more than friends.
     
    Mouth pinching tight, her eyes caress my face with suspicion.
     
    “I promise.” I shrug. “Let’s just talk, forget about what we should and shouldn’t be doing, and just pretend we’re two normal people that don’t have to worry about anything other than enjoying the zoo. Like your boy.” I jerk my chin at Javier whose nose is now pressed to the glass as he continues to stare at the sleeping lions.
     
    Sighing, she turns to her boy, and naked, unvarnished love shines on her. Her eyes are wide, her gaze focused and unblinking as she draws in long, deep breaths.
     
    It’s humbling, and makes a horrible ache spread through my gut.
     
    “You know,” she says, “sometimes I think he sees so much more than I ever will.” She looks back at me.
     
    “Who’s the dad?”
     
    Puffing air through her cheeks, she sits further back on the bench. Her back presses against my arm, but she doesn’t move and I know she has to feel me, because I’m so fucking aware. I clench my jaw as sweat prickles and gathers along my forearm at the point of contact. I don’t want to move, don’t even want to blink; I just want her to stay like this forever.
     
    “My first crush.” She looks up at the fluffy clouds floating by. “If you haven’t done the math yet, I’m a statistic. I had him when I was fourteen.”
     
    “Hey,” I wait until she looks at me, “so what? Do you think that’s something to be ashamed of?”
     
    Blinking, she cocks her head, reminding me of a tiny field mice confused by the vastness of the world around her. “It was to my father.”
     
    “Your father?”
     
    Rolling the top of the popcorn bag down, she plops it next to her thigh. “Yeah. He was the one that took me to the hospital. It was like the moment the doctor said it was positive, something inside him died. I’ll never forget his look.”
     
    “Parents suck.”
     
    Her lips twitch. “Sometimes, I guess. He left us.”
     
    “What a dick.”
     
    “He’s still my dad, Ryan. I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt…”
     
    “Did he know your mom was sick when he bailed?” I don’t know why, but the thought of it makes me angry.
     
    The sadness that bleeds through her tells me all I need to know. He’d known and he’d still left. “He left you to pick up the pieces? That why you don’t date? Expect all men to be like him?”
     
    She sits up straight,