Free The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups by Harry Fisch, Karen Moline

all when he’s crashing into sadness). The quiz lists many of the markers for depression, and if you want more advice, speak to your physician or your own therapist about your worries and see if he or she can provide referrals or ideas for further treatment. You can also research different options at a trusted web source such as WebMD ( www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-resources ).
    It’s not easy to broach the subject—which is why “How to Bring Up a Delicate Topic” (on page 195 in Lesson 5 ) can help—but a man who is depressed has an illness that needs immediate medical care from a competent therapist. Low-level depression can respond to exercise, meditation, dietary changes, and short-term therapy, without any medication needed. Chronic depression, onthe other hand, is an extremely serious illness that is nearly impossible to lift without professional support. Help your man seek help. When appropriate, prescribed medication treatments, such as antidepressants, can be lifesavers for both your man’s mood and your relationship.
    QUIZ
    IS HE SUFFERING FROM LOW TESTOSTERONE?
    □   Is he tired all the time?
    □   Is he having erection problems?
    □   Is his sleep constantly disrupted or not deep enough to make him feel rested?
    □   Has he lost his sexual spark?
    □   Does he just not want to have sex anymore?
    □   Does he have low muscle tone?
    □   Are his testicles small or soft?
    □   Has he gained weight, particularly around his waist?
    □   Has he been diagnosed with osteoporosis?
    □   Has he been diagnosed with anemia?
    □   Is he depressed?
    □   Does he tell you he just feels blah without knowing why?
How Can You Tell If He Has Low Testosterone?
    Low testosterone equals a low libido. In this case, he needs to see a doctor and have a complete blood workup. There’s no reason to suffer from this when it is so easy to treat!
    For lots more information about low testosterone levels and what to do about them, see page 87 in Lesson 3 .
    QUIZ
    IS HE GAY AND STILL IN THE CLOSET?
    □   Are you having significantly less sex over a long period of time?
    □   Does he get defensive when you bring up your sex life?
    □   Is he blaming you for any sexual problems?
    □   Does he suddenly want you to use sex toys to stimulate him, particularly sex toys than involve anal penetration, such as a strap-on dildo or vibrators?
    □   Is he unusually secretive about phone calls or email or his social life?
    □   Does he hide his computer history from you?
    □   Have you found him looking at gay porn?
    □   Has he replied to any gay online dating sites?
    □   Does he look at men (instead of women) a little bit too long, as if he’s checking them out?
    □   Does he tell you he’s going to gay bars with his friends who are gay, but he’s “not”?
    □   Is he moody or angry at you for no reason?
    □   Is he more interested than usual in his appearance?
    □   Is he spending an inordinate amount of time at the gym or working out?
    □   Does he go on trips “with the guys” and not allow you to meet them?
How Can You Tell If He’s Gay and Still in the Closet?
    A man who is gay is naturally programmed to be with other men sexually, not with women. If he is living a lie for whatever reason, at some point he probably will not want to have sex with you.
    Gay men get married to straight women for reasons such as a need for security and a fear of being alone; genuine affection; or an inability to come to grips with their true sexual orientation, often coupled with deep denial and even deeper fear of being “exposed,” often as a result of being reared in a home where homosexuality was thought of as evil, sinful, unnatural, or degrading.
    Most women who marry gay men do so when they want to be in a relationship so badly that they’re willing to overlook a lot of signs that point to the man’s sexual orientation. It’s often easy for women to