Free Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner by Jen Lancaster Page B

he begins to drift off.
    “Hey, Fletch?”
    “Yeah?”
    “Do you think I can bring coffee to the trial?”
    “I guess we’ll find out.”

    But we don’t find out because I write down the wrong date and I miss my day in court.

    I guess the tweakers got their miracle after all.
    Reluctant Adult Lesson Learned:
    If you don’t want to be a victim, employ Constant Vigilance™… and buy a datebook.

C·H·A·P·T·E·R S·E·V·E·N
    Generation Y Don’t You Do It for Me?
    M y professional career began when I graduated from college and landed a position at an HMO. Unlike most of my Gen X peers, I was actually able to nab a job that didn’t require wearing an apron and black Reeboks, so I was thrilled. [
Kids, this recession ain’t our first rodeo.
]
    I’ll always be grateful to my friend’s mom who worked for the HMO. She was kind enough to give my résumé directly to the hiring manager instead of having to navigate HR. The introduction got me in the door and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it.
    In 1996, Larry Page and Sergey Brin were a couple of nerdy PhD students kicking around the Stanford campus while I was getting ready to graduate. It would be a solid two years until they got their first round of venture capital to start up the company that eventually became Google. What I’m saying is that researching acompany wasn’t as easy as typing a few lines into a search engine back then. I couldn’t ping the Dun & Bradstreet database on my Android phone nor could I Facebook stalk the hiring manager to find our common ground, like how she was really into Bob Mould and
ER
.
    Everything I knew about the HMO came from me skulking around the basement of the Purdue University libraries, scanning sheet after sheet of microfiche. Information was hard to come by back then, so the onus was on me to sell myself because I wasn’t impressing anyone with my mad library skills. I spent days poring over my management textbooks and practicing sample interview questions.
    Ultimately, I was successful in being hired on my own merits.
    Turns out, even though I got the job, I
hated
the job. For six months, my professional life revolved around keeping the physician provider manual up-to-date and my days were endless, filled with calling office staffs to inquire if they were located on Sheridan Street or Sheridan Road. It was crazy-making and I wonder if I wouldn’t have been happier as a waitress. At least I’d get a shift drink at the end of the day.
    Around that time, my friend’s mom landed an incredible gig at a top-tier consulting firm and it was everything everyone in my company dreamed about. I’m talking serious Golden Ticket here. As I watched her pack her desk, all I could say was, “Take me with you!”
    To which she replied simply, “You’re not ready. You need to serve your time here before you can move on.”
    As I’ve built my career, first as an executive, and then as an author, I’ve never forgotten that piece of advice.
    I don’t know what it’s like to be searching for a job now right out of college. In a lot of ways, because of access to information, it has to be easier than trawling around a basement, squinting at microfiche. And yet, because technology’s leveled the playing field, it must be challenging as well, so I respect anyone who takes a creative approach in trying to make it. When it’s appropriate and when I can, I do my best to help those who ask.
    What I don’t respect is the portion of Generation Y—and to be clear, I believe it’s only a portion and that there are plenty who shouldn’t be painted with this brush—who’ve grown so lazy and entitled that they can’t even be bothered to try.
    That brings me to Ashley.
    Ashley embodies everything I loathe about the Millennials. Following, you’ll find the letter she blast-e-mailed to a number of successful contemporary authors [
Including me.
] a couple of years ago. (My comments are in italics.)
    Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m