Free This Girl Stripped by Dawn Robertson

vulnerable with everything I’ve been through.
    I know I shouldn’t use the past few months as an excuse or a crutch, but I have to. It’s all too fresh. I start to back away from him and get changed. I don’t care that he’s still standing right there watching me. It isn’t anything he hasn’t seen before. I battle inside my mind, trying to decide what to say to him.
    “I’m gonna have to think about it, Diesel.” That’s all I can promise him. Thoughts of another chance. Maybe I can talk to River about everything with Diesel. I know he’s probably pissed that anything happened with him at all, but he’s supposed to be my friend. The only friend I really have. Maybe he can help me shed some light on it all.
    When I turn around, he’s heading for the door. Just watching him walk away breaks my heart again. Even if I’m the one sending him away again.
    “Diesel?”
    He pauses and turns around. I take a few steps back to him and wrap my arms around his strong body. I squeeze him tight and inhale his scent, which brings me right back to our night together. I blink back my tears, and let go of him. But not before he presses a gentle kiss to the top of my head.
    “I miss you,” I admit, as he turns for the door.
    “I miss you too, Paisley.”

    “So what did you wanna talk about, Paisley?” River isn’t pulling any punches, even though he’s the one who invited me out to dinner, I made it clear that I needed his advice on something when we were in the car on the way here to the hole in the wall diner.
    I love Maggie’s and always have since I was a little girl. It was the only place we really ever ate. At one point in time my mom was a waitress here until the owners caught her lifting money out of the register. God she sucks at life. I could live happily never seeing her again.
    “I wanted to talk to you about Diesel. I need some advice from a friend, and since you’re the only friend I have here in town, I figured you could help me.” He winces when I say Diesel’s name. Is it painful for him to hear, even though he pushed me away? He made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me, so what fucking gives?
    “Paisley, we are friends…” he reaches across the table, and takes my hands. I can’t help but feel the electricity running between our bodies. It’s always there, no matter how tiny the touch. “But, I can’t talk about this with you. I know we haven’t talked about everything I said, but I don’t want to think about you with him in any way. Please, just don’t tell me.” He lets out a sigh and I can tell he is hurt on some level. Even if he’s the one who pushed me away.
    I just don’t understand him. I don’t think I ever will. There are too many complex levels.
    “So… do you wanna talk about what happened with us? I mean, might as well get that out of the way so we can move on, right?” I’m hoping he takes me up on it, because I’m annoyed without him around. It’s lonely. I got so used to our moments together. Being able to depend on him when he wasn’t holding down the fort at the hotel.
    “Yeah, I think we should clear some of that up.” He looks everywhere but at me. Nervous, but I don’t know why.
    “Paisley, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. We are virtually strangers still, and everything with us just comes so naturally. I’m scared about hurting you. I don’t want to. I’m just screwed up. My parents always controlled every aspect of my life and it fucked me up. Chrome and Zane didn’t get it because they were older. It wasn’t until Scarlett was born that they slowly loosened the reigns on me.” He stops and moves his face closer to mine, and drops his voice to a whisper.
    “That’s when it started. I used sex as a way to get control. I’m a bad person. I control the women I have sex with. I can’t help it. I told you, I’m fucked up.” I don’t understand whatever point he is trying to make.
    “So? What does that have to do with me,