Free Better Than None by Olivia Jake

more and more helpless, though watching her, I thought, that was
the true definition of helplessness. She was at the mercy of this disease,
unaware of anything going on around her, and unable to change any of it.
    The day seemed interminable as we waited while they found a room. When
my mom finally came to, she was still groggy but awake enough to understand
when I explained where she was and why she was being admitted. She looked down
in horror at the drain and bag.
    “Oh, Stephanie!” She exclaimed, her speech still a little slurred, her
voice raspier than usual.
    “I know mom, it’s just temporary. But they needed to drain the bile
immediately and they couldn’t get to it internally.”
    “But, but look at it!”
    “They said it’ll just be for a week or so…”
    “I’m going to be in here a week?”
    “No, Mom. They’re just keeping you tonight to make sure you’re ok.
You’ll be going home tomorrow.”
    “With this?” She asked, horrified.
    I couldn’t blame her, though I tried to soothe her worries. “We can
hide it under your clothes.”
    “I can’t go out like this! You’ve got to do something! Call the doctor.
I want you to tell him this is unacceptable! I can’t go around with this,
this…”
    “Mom, there isn’t anything I can do. They put this in to save your
life. Your body was poisoning itself. Your bilirubin count has already gone
down just in the couple hours since the procedure.”
    “I don’t care about the damn bilirubin! How am I supposed to walk
around with a bag of bile?”
    I didn’t have an answer, and even if I did, I don’t think it would have
much mattered. She was scared and upset. She wasn’t just losing her health, she
was slowly losing her dignity too.
    ****
    That night, I went to her house to feed her cats and dog, clean the
litter boxes, walk the dog, close up her house and then came home to my own
dogs, walked them and collapsed into bed. The next morning was the exact same
routine but reversed. And even though it was Saturday, I went into the office to
catch up on work and ensure that at least that part of my life was on track
though after my previous conversation with Marty, I was feeling unsettled even
at work, my one safe haven.
    Since it wasn’t a weekday, I was in a tank top, shorts and flip flops.
There was no A/C on the weekends and the office could get stifling. I was
grateful to be able to get lost in the work. As crappy as things might have
been in the rest of my life, the actual work was great. I felt I was doing some
of the best creative I’d ever done even in spite of Dave and that fiasco. Much
as I needed some time to relax and being at the office on a Saturday wasn’t
exactly ideal, I was grateful for the peace and quiet. So lost in my thoughts
and the hum of the desk fan that I jumped when Marty said my name.
    “Steph?” Marty’s voice made me jump.
    “Jesus!” I’d been so lost in my thoughts and the hum of the fan, my
heart beat hard against my chest.
    “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
    I was still gun-shy after our last encounter, so I tried to remain cool
without being disrespectful.
    “No worries, I just didn’t expect anyone else here on a Saturday.”
    He chuckled. “Neither did I.” I shrugged and we just looked at each
other a beat too long. He looked younger in his worn t-shirt, baseball cap and
shorts. And when he smiled, that damn dimple of his softened my mood a bit.
    “So how’s your mom doing? How did everything go yesterday? How are you holding up?”
    Not even the dimple could work on me like that, though. I couldn’t go
back to this. I had to put some distance. I had already let him get too close,
and then after the Dave comment…
    “We’re fine, Marty.”
    He stiffened. “Did I say something wrong?”
    “Please don’t take offense at this, you’ve been nothing but kind to me,
but I need boundaries. I need to keep my personal life separate from my work
life.”
    Marty’s dimple was long gone as