Free Confessions of a teacher: Because school isn't quite what you remember it to be... by Jane Salomon

many days in which to further their education. Add a special event like today's in the equation and you might as well forget it. Never mind. It's the end of November and next week, the chimps will be on study leave for their preliminary examinations. I will not see them or miss them for two weeks.
     
     

A bit of Christmas fun.
     
     
    As I head into school this morning, I suddenly remember that it was Dora's potential life-changing outing with Ross. I wonder how she got on. Later on that Day, I manage to catch Dora in the staff room. Well, if I'm honest about it, I caught sight of her heading that way when we both had a free period and my nosiness got the better of me. I followed her there hoping that the staff room would be as quiet as it usually is. I was correct in this assumption. Our staff-room is deserted most of the time as people seem to prefer to gather in their own base. The only exception is when we're all summoned to bid farewell to a departing colleague. Aside from that, it is monopolised at break and lunch time by four very distinct and minimal clans who have each claimed their corner of the room. A handful of people sit in one corner, the school secretaries in another, the classroom assistants in a third and in the middle thrones the munch bunch. There are about eight of them and their Formica table is constantly overflowing with a wealth of biscuits and pastries, not to mention the occasional full-blown cake. At the end of each feast, all the goodies disappear in a hiding place which is known only to the members of this eclectic group. How do you become a member? You have to pledge to taking your turn in supplying biscuits in exchange for the right to join their feeding frenzy. I have it on good authority that if you forget to bring food when your turn comes, you might as well fake illness with a hope to be sent home or brace yourself for capital punishment. Luckily, there's no sign of the munch bunch or anyone else in the staff room except Dora.
    - "How did you get on on Friday?" I ask Dora quietly as I pretend to search my pigeon hole for any news item.
    - "Fine. A nice evening but nothing happened".
    I have nothing much to add but I can't say I'm surprised. What does surprise me however is Dora's irate spill about 'that bitch Karen Wallace'. It turns out that Ross has suggested to Karen that she should join their exclusive dining group. Karen Wallace is an interesting character, as well as being a KGB agent. She is as manly in her demeanour as Eleanor is precious in her tailored suits. When Karen sits on a chair, it is with legs wide apart. There are only two groups of people in Karen Wallace's world: those she quite likes and those she hates. There is no middle ground. If you belong to the first group, she will endeavour not to make your life a living hell. But if you happen to be in the second group well... the less said the better. Karen has an impressive record of having pushed quite a few people to apply for posts elsewhere. She is what you would call a 'formidable woman' and just about everybody, from kids to adults, is frightened of her.
     
     
    I had the privilege to experience the full impact of her persona years ago. I had a girl in my first year class who was diagnosed with ADHD, a difficult child who was creating havoc everywhere. I was also teaching Latin at the time and the filing cabinet at the back of the class contained, amongst other things, pictures of the aftermath of the irruption of Mount Vesuvius. The ash cloud descended so fast that it caught and preserved people in the midst of what they were doing. One particular picture showed a girl still wearing a look of horror on her face. Somehow ADHD child had managed to take a peek at the content of the drawer and came upon this picture. She was soon up in arms, jumping about saying that I was a witch and I was going to transform them all into something horrible. I wish I had such powers! There was no calming her down and to make