Free The Blinding Light by Renae Kaye

nodded and took a mouthful of my hot coffee as I looked over the peaceful park and watched the mothers and babies.
    “What happened?” Patrick asked.
    I sighed. “I was four when it went to the dogs. Alex stopped taking his meds. I don’t know why. Maybe he ran out and was too busy to get some more. Maybe he thought he could do without them. I just don’t….” I licked my lips and thought about how to explain the next part. No matter what, it sounded ugly. “He… he went crazy one night. Smashed the house up, broke windows, put Mum in hospital….”
    I heard Patrick draw a deep breath. I could imagine such things were far from his existence. “So Dad had a bit of a stay at the big mental hospital, Mum had a stay at the public hospital and me an’ Ellie stayed with Grandma. Then a week after Mum got out of hospital, the stick turned blue.”
    I stopped, thinking he would get the reference, but he had a blank expression on his face. “The what turned blue?”
    “The stick, man. Jeez. What planet do you live on? She took a pregnancy test and it was positive. She was pregnant again. Dad had knocked her up before he went crazy.”
    “Oh!” Patrick’s exclamation was one of understanding. He nodded and then the information sunk in and his mouth fell open. “Ooohh!”
    I chuckled, even though it wasn’t funny at all. “So there Mum was, with three kids on her own. It was rough but she was trying. I was the oldest and I tried to help her out a lot. She got a job up the local shops and money was tight, but we were coping. I’d get the girls ready in the morning and walk them to day care and then to school when they were old enough. I learned how to make a sandwich and we could at least eat after school until Mum got home. But I guess Mum just got tired or something. She lost her job and started drinking. Then next thing I know, she’s telling me she’s gonna have another kid. I was nine.”
    “Shit.”
    “Yeah—plenty of that,” I joked. “I learned how to change a nappy pretty damn quick. I was only nine but I still remember some of the shit that went flying around—both literally and figuratively. Some bruiser turned up to the house one night when Maria was just a couple of months old. I remember coz Mum hauled me out of bed and I took the three girls up the back and we hid in the shed in the dark for ages while this guy ranted and smashed furniture in the house. Lizzy was always scared of the dark and spiders, but she stayed put. She had to have a night-light on in her room for the next couple of months afterwards.” I took another mouthful of coffee and reflected on that period of my life. “I pieced together the story years later when I was older and could understand. Some of the things the guy yelled before the cops dragged him away…. Well, it turned out sweet mama couldn’t name Maria’s father. In order for Mum to receive the parenting payment from the government for Maria, she had to nominate guys who might be the father and the government tracked these guys down and forced them to do a DNA test. This guy was named and he wasn’t happy about it.”
    Patrick grimaced. “Father-of-the-Year material, obviously.”
    I snorted. “It turned out he wasn’t the dad. This other guy called Damon is the unhappy recipient of that title. He’s not a bad sort. Got three other kids all older than me. He pays his money on time and sends presents.”
    I stopped suddenly and blushed. Patrick must think you’re a total douche. He asked about your father not your whole fuckin’ life!
    “Sorry,” I said. “Rambling on like that. You didn’t need to hear all that crap.”
    Patrick reached out for me and squeezed my forearm. “Nothing to apologize for. I asked and I wanted to know.”
    “Still, I didn’t need to dump my entire life on you.”
    He smiled gently. “So with all those different genes mixed in, who did you end up looking like the most?”
    I cocked an eyebrow in his direction. “What