Free The Black Dagger Brotherhood by J. R. Ward

worry.” Z lay back against the black satin sheets, his scarred face no longer pulled in hungry lines, his body still, not straining.
    She hoped it was because the orgasm had relaxed him. Feared it was because he didn’t think she’d be back anytime soon.
    Bella nipped into the nursery, executed a fast diaper swap, then went to the rocker and gave Nalla what she needed. As she held her young and rocked, she realized how true it was that having a baby changed everything.
    Including the concept of time.
    What she’d meant to be a quick fifteen-minute feeding turned into a two-hour fuss, throw-up, fuss, feed, throw-up, burp, cry, diaper-change, fuss, feed marathon.
    When Nalla finally settled, Bella let her head fall back against the rocker in a familiar state of exhaustion and satisfaction.
    The mother business was amazing, transformative, and a little addictive—and she could now understand how females got way overfocused on their offspring. You were fed by taking care of and doing right by them. You were also all-powerful as The Mother. Anything she said went when it came to Nalla.
    Thing was, though, she missed being Z’s shellan. Missed waking up with him moving on top of her, hot and hungry. Missed the feel of his fangs going deep into her throat. Missed the way that scarred face of his looked after they’d made love, all flushed and soft and full of reverence and love.
    The fact that he was so hard with everyone else, even his Brothers, made his sweetness with her even more special. Always had.
    God, that dream of his. She wasn’t willing to say it changed everything between them, but it changed enough so that she wouldn’t leave him now. What she wasn’t sure of was what came next. Z required more help than she could provide him. He needed professional intervention, not just loving support from his mate.
    Maybe there was a way Mary could step in. She had a counseling background and had been the one to teach him to read and write. There was no way he would talk to a stranger, but Mary . . .
    Ah, hell, there was no way he’d talk to Rhage’s shellan about the ins and outs of his past. The experiences were too horrific and the pain went too deep. Plus he hated getting emotional in front of anybody.
    Bella got up and put Nalla in the smaller crib in the nursery—on the off chance Zsadist was still in bed, naked and in the mood.
    He wasn’t. He was in the bathroom, and going by the whirring sound and the spray of water, he was trimming his hair in the shower. On the bedside table there was a pair of scissors and the bandages that had been on his hands, and all she could think of was that she wished she had done it for him. No doubt he’d waited and waited and waited for her, and then given up, not just about the sex but about the help. He must have struggled to get the scissors to work with just the top half of his fingers showing . . . but given what time it was, he either stripped off the gauze himself or had no shower before he went out to fight.
    Bella sat on the bed and found herself arranging the split in her robe so that when she crossed her legs they’d stay covered. This was a familiar ritual, she realized, her waiting for him outside of the bath. When Z finished showering and emerged in a towel, they would talk about nothing at all while he dressed in his closet. Then after he went down for First Meal, she would bathe and dress with equal privacy.
    God, she felt small. Small compared to the problems they had and the demands of their daughter and the fact that she wanted a lover for a hellren, not a polite roommate.
    The knock on the door made her jump. “Hello?”
    â€œIt’s Doc Jane.”
    â€œCome on in.”
    The doctor poked her head around the door. “Hey, is himself around? I thought I’d remove his bandages—Okay, clearly you two have covered that part.”
    As the doctor jumped to the wrong conclusion, Bella kept