Free The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld

it’s more than purely physical. In Nightwalker , the beautiful Grey has sex with Khan (who, of course, had a “large, rigid penis [that] was formidable”). This was not a one-shot affair: “He took her time after time. When she thought she could bear no more, he took her again.” And there was variety: “He was gentle, softly stroking, coaxing, his soft lips teasing, then suddenly he was again demanding, hard, plummeting the very depths of her passion.” The outcome: “She was all woman now, spirit truly touched by the earth-shaking revelations her body had revealed.… There were no words to describe the intensity of her feelings.”
    But another popular author found the words: “Alix felt as if she had been thrown into a fire, felt as if her bones were melting. She had never felt such overwhelming pleasure.” Once her bones start melting, you know you’re doing it right.
    If you’re in doubt, she’ll probably tell you. In a novel by Irving Wallace, a man receives the ultimate accolade from his lover: “You’re good, Ezra, very good. You’re the best I know. You’re spoiling me for all other men.” And a woman in another novel: “You’re the most man I ever had.”
    In fantasyland, sex is always the best, the greatest, the most wonderful. The earth always moves. At minimum, you should be able to “give” your woman at least one and preferably several orgasms. It is now rare to view a sexual scene in a movie or read of one in a book that doesn’t include at least one per experience. Ever since Masters and Johnson’s research showed that some women are capable of multiple orgasms, expectations have soared. “One climax after another” is a common way of putting it in novels. Here’s one happy woman: “Deeper, harder, faster, until she cried out again, barely recovered from her first overwhelming orgasm before she was thrust into her second.” Any man who can’t generate at least a dozen or so orgasms in his partner is hardly worth considering.
    There’s also concern about the type of orgasm women have. In fantasyland, they are quick and furious. Women have orgasms “instantaneously” or “almost before he was fully inside her,” always accompanied by screams and a thrashing of limbs. “With three violent thrusts he brought her to orgasm” is one example, as is “Within seconds they reached orgasm simultaneously.”
    The equating of sex with orgasm has become so common that manymen might react with incredulity to my calling it a myth, asking, “What’s the point of sex without a climax?” What’s the point indeed? And what’s the point of dinner without dessert? Or a football game without a touchdown?
    The point is simple. With or without an orgasm, with or without dessert, with or without a touchdown, the sex, dinner, and game go on. There’s interesting stuff to be had, if only you can pay attention and not get upset because it doesn’t have the ending you want.
    I have nothing against orgasms. If it can happen without making everyone miserable, enjoy it. But what’s the point of twisting oneself into a pretzel in order to have an orgasm? Many men try to force their own orgasms by thrusting wildly and calling up every fantasy they can think of. Although it surprises many people when I say this, more than a few men I’ve talked to have faked orgasm. They felt bad about doing this, but they didn’t want their partners to know they didn’t come. Besides, they had no idea of how to stop the activity without an orgasm.
    Men also put pressure on their partners to have quick, loud orgasms so that they, the men, will be able to feel good about themselves.No wonder that faking orgasms on the part of women hasn’t gone out of style. Even if she has a real one, she may feel pressured to fake several more, or to make it more dramatic than it really is. What’s the point of doing this to one’s partner?
    There is a point, come to think of it, understandable but still harmful. We men are