Free The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino

very different from what you use for fun. Bring out the canes if you normally use your open hand, or the steel handcuffs if you normally use the soft leather cuffs. Make it quick and complete, and include a chance for the bottom to beg for mercy (because that’s hot), then offer forgiveness, smooch or otherwise soothe, and move on to greater efforts at improvement. For many people who enjoy the submissive role, being punished is one of the times when they feel authentically submissive—they are accepting something they’d rather not have. This expression of their obedience is paradoxically very rewarding. Many bottoms report that after being punished, the moments of discomfort and embarrassment actually turn to memories they embrace with pride and affection, or even reenact in whack-off fantasies. Just make sure that all your play is not punishment—that will just lead to deliberate disobedience to get sexed up. Not that there’s too much wrong with that— if that’s what you intend . But if you want a more positive training experience, you have to use the next item on the list of training tools: a reward.
    The other side of the punishment coin is rewarding your bottom. Rewards can be anything the bottom likes, ranging from “Do it again, slave!” to accompanying them to the next chick flick/action adventure movie and not making too many catty comments during the show. Or, for that matter, a spanking. You can even get tricky and reward him with a new assignment. But whatever reward you use, make sure it’s accompanied by some verbal praise and affection and you will find the light of pleasure and adoration shining all around you. For obvious reasons, rewards are less tricky to negotiate than punishments—you will rarely run into a reward that might stir bad memories of toxic parenting or dismal school days. But it’s always a good idea to know exactly what the bottom likes, lest you announce a reward that he might accept with a raised eyebrow or giggles. Beware of “Homer Simpson” rewards: Don’t give your slave a bowling ball that fits your hand—get him a butt plug that fits his ass.

    BEING CREATIVE
    Eventually, even the most jaded of tops might find that they seem to have trained their bottoms in everything they want. This is usually a combination of laziness and lack of imagination. Why should you stop refining pleasure? Expand your training to more variations. When your sex slave has become the world’s most amazing cocksucker, start him on ass licking. Or, even better, assign him to find some new variation on cocksucking that is not currently in his repertoire. But be specific, so as not to look completely lazy. “Go learn something to please me” has got to be the worst cop-out tops use after “Go on the Internet to find the slave protocol.” Either way, you get what you deserve. Remember, this is all personal, and direction and leadership comes from the top. Give your slave what she needs to get her started! And if by chance you are very vague, accept what she offers with an open mind and good grace, and resolve to be more specific and dominant for the next assignment.
    Keep in mind my definition of sexual behavior. It’s not just what gets you off, it’s what gets you in the neighborhood. Does a long, slow dance make you horny? Then having your slave become a good dancer is a worthy goal. Does having your back scrubbed with scented salt crystals in a hot shower make you more ready to turn around and fuck someone against the tiles? Then having the scrubs available—and the slave ready to hop into the shower with them—is part of what you might want to train them to do. And you can get more esoteric too—perhaps the slave should shop for new scrubs, or merely keep your favorites in stock. Or even make you some, if they are crafty that way.
    While not limiting yourself to genitalia-based service, don’t box yourself off from the pleasures of receiving other SM-like pleasures. Many tops