Free The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino Page A

honestly enjoy a long, sensual beating or even a short and painful one. They just confuse the act of receiving pleasure in that way with being submissive. There is a huge difference between submitting to a lashing and ordering someone to beat you harder; knowing this and being able to enjoy whatever you like is part of what it means to be a confident, strong top.
    Sadly, many dominant people have also deprived themselves of the pleasure of being fucked or sucking off their slaves because of the misconception that these things make them appear submissive. It is not the act which is dominant or submissive, but the attitudes and intentions of the partners that makes it so. “So, slave, have you earned the right to fuck me?” can be the most empowering, dominant thing a top can say, reducing the lucky bottom to a quivering mass of erotic flesh. Or it can merely be one of the slave’s many sexual uses; it’s your slave, after all. Their hands and cocks are yours, just as their mouths and other holes are. What use you make of their bodies and their skills is part of their sexual service to you. And if your new slave is unlearned in the art of top-fucking, lucky you: here is a brand-new opportunity for more training, more assignments, more rewards and punishments.

    TESTING
    One aspect of training you might also use for fun and profit is testing . I don’t include it as one of the basic concepts because, really, every time you have sex can be construed as a sort of test. But you can plan specific tests, whether you announce and schedule them or spring them on your slave with gleeful surprise. You can use a test to mark the end of a training period, or just to spice up a quiet weekend.
    Say your sex slave has been blacking boots for three months now because having your boots done makes you so crazy sexed up you need your slave to learn every detail in order to make your boots sparkle and your wobbly bits eager. You can either announce the quiet evening at home with that treasured pair of boots you’ve withheld from him these long months, or you can set up something at your local leather bar with all your friends and family on hand to watch and celebrate. Your slave does the boots, you grab him and fuck him on the floor in the basement, or right there on the pool table in front of that gang of friends. He passed the test, yay! It’s happy all around.
    Or, you’ve been having your slave learn the most advanced and esoteric fisting techniques for quite some time and you think she’s ready to give you the ride of your life. But instead of setting up the home dungeon with the sling and the candles and the soft music playing, you are waiting for her with heels in the air on the dining room table when she gets home from work. “Do me, slave,” you command. “Make it good, or it’s back to fingering cantaloupes for you.”
    Training a sex slave does not lead to your normal pop quiz, that’s for sure.
     
    Finally, remember that your training relationship is ultimately only a small part of your human interaction with your partner; it’s not required, not vital, and certainly not something worth making each other unhappy about. If it causes you to fight, or hurt each other’s feelings, suspend it and take care of what really matters first. Keep in mind that your goals are to expand your sexual playground, increase your erotic connection, enhance your intimacy, and embrace the complex and exciting aspects of dominance and submission. If these are foremost in your intentions and you can laugh at an occasional mistake without feeling threatened or diminished, your role as the leader and teacher, judge and arbiter, administrator of rewards and punishments will be all the more satisfying, both to you and your sex slave. And your slave will thank you for it. Exactly the way you prefer!

CHAPTER 4
    WHOLE HAND SEX: VAGINAL FISTING AND BDSM
    SARAH SLOANE
When I slip my hand into my partner’s cunt, my entire focus narrows down to the