Free Music of the Soul by Katie Ashley

exhaled it before I responded. “I think you’re afraid that when you
    have the pressures of a wife and kids, you’ll become your father and stray.” Feeling more courageous,
    I continued on. “Somehow, you think if we don’t have kids for a long time, you can prolong what you
    feel is the inevitable—that you will cheat on me and lose me.”
    His mouth fell open my summation, and I knew then that I had hit the nail on the head. “You’re
    not your father, Jake,” I said in a whisper.
    “I know that,” he snapped.
    “Then don’t be afraid of making his mistakes.”
    He threw up his hands in frustration. “This is bullshit.”
    Staring down at the checked blanket, I said in a low voice, “By the way you’re reacting, I think
    you and I both know it’s true. But regardless of all the shit with your dad, you have to know that your
    mother never, ever felt tied down by you. She was grateful for every moment she had with you.”
    “Do not bring my mother into this conversation,” he growled.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “You know what really worries me? That you’ll decide when it’s time for us to have kids,
    whether I’m ready or not.”
    “And how exactly would I do that?”
    His blue eyes flashed. “By suddenly forgetting to take your birth control.”
    I gasped. “You think I would actually go so far as to go behind your back to conceive a child?”
    “If I kept denying you, then yes, I do think you would do that.”
    “Y-You’re…an asshole!” I shouted before I clambered to my feet. Wrapping my arms around my
    naked chest, I stalked away from the bonfire toward the house. Halfway across the sand, the anger
    began to fade, and hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Craning my neck over my shoulder, I hoped
    that Jake was coming after to me to apologize or talk things out. Unfortunately, he remained at the fire
    pit.
    I couldn’t believe the things he had said—the way he felt about me somehow deceiving him and
    getting pregnant. It wounded me deep to my core that he would ever think I could do such a thing. Our
    relationship had always been built on trust, and now he was making me question that. There was also
    the fact that he had confirmed my fears about him being like his father and cheating. Deep down, I
    never could believe he would ever do such a thing, but now the doubt was planted in my mind, and it
    caused my chest to ache.
    When I got inside the house, I was mentally and physically exhausted. But just the thought of
    getting into the bed where we’d consummated our marriage and made love the night before was too
    painful. Instead, I threw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt before collapsing onto the couch. I wrapped
    myself in a cocoon of blankets. It didn’t take long for the tears to come again. Never did I think I
    would spend one night of my honeymoon crying myself to sleep, but it looked like that was going to
    happen tonight. I brought my hands to my face and started sobbing uncontrollably.

    I don’t know how long I spent sitting out beside the bonfire. I was too raw from my fight with Abby to
    go after her right away. I knew I needed to apologize. The hard part was that both of us had spoken
    the truth. Abby had all too easily guessed my issues with fatherhood, and I had let my worst fears
    about her slip out. In the two years we’d been together, we’d rarely fought over anything of real
    importance. I’m not saying I didn’t treat her like a callous dickhead several times when we first
    started dating, but everything else had always clicked into place so easily for us. Now we were
    twenty-four hours into our marriage and had just experienced our first major fight. And it was a real
    doozy.
    Some newlyweds fought about paint colors and finances. Abby and I had to go straight for the
    jugular and fight about our future family. With a ragged sigh, I rubbed my eyes that were stinging from
    the bonfire’s smoke. At least I thought it was the smoke. Maybe I was being a real pussy