Mission: Earth "Voyage of Vengeance"

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Authors: Ron L. Hubbard
Tags: sf_humor
repressive rule-and the Turks, of course, would arrest and imprison the man."
    "I'm afraid we couldn't prove any crimes in Turkey," I said.
    "That's too bad," said the State Department man. "It's sort of frustrating to have some U. S. citizen out there that we can't harass and get arrested. Usually we can think of some way, unless, of course, the person is a known political terrorist: we have to protect those to keep everything stirred up and the media happy. If he isn't a registered terrorist or a drug runner, there should be some way the State Department could help make trouble in the world."
    "He isn't either one of those," I said.
    "Ah, wait a minute. As soon as your call came in, we flashed the information into our various sections that Swindle and Crouch was on the line, and our State Department Intelligence Chief has just slid a memo onto my desk. He recommends you call the President and have him order the CIA to simply blow the yacht out of the water. This is the routine solution to such cases and I hope it is of assistance. We can't have some U. S. citizen out of the country and unharassed, so we are only too glad to have your assistance in serving the national interest."
    "Count on the Rockecenters to do that," I said and hung up.
    (BLEEP)!
    I couldn't put the solution into effect for two good reasons: Heller was carrying a CIA passport identifying him as H. Hider Haggarty, and the moment the CIA heard that, they would think it was one of their own men and wouldn't act. The other reason was more personal. It had really not occurred to me before that I owned that yacht!
    For a bit I wondered about simply sending the captain a radio and telling him when and where to dock and have the court officers waiting there to pick up Heller. But it was too simple to work. They warn you against simple solutions in the Apparatus. It, however, was impossible because the captain would think the radio was a fake. For all he knew, the real owner was in Turkey and not in New York. Without my presenting identity to Captain Bitts personally, he would just consider my radio a ruse of the enemies of Turkey. He would show it to Heller and Heller would be alerted that I had a hand in this. Heller would tell Krak and Krak would track me down.
    This train of thought collided abruptly with the fact that the Countess Krak might very well, at that moment, be following some line of investigation which would lead her to me!
    A horrifying threat!
    It was one of those awful days when just at the moment you were sure things couldn't get any worse, they did!
Chapter 4
    The Countess Krak was in some hotel room, eating a late breakfast. The thought struck me that if I could find what hotel it was, I could get her commitment served and get her put away before she finished me!
    But the silverware initials bore no clue. I watched alertly for some time, hoping that her eye would light upon something which would identify her whereabouts.
    A knock on the door and Bang-Bang came in. He was carrying a huge mound of newspapers.
    "I don't like to give you these, Miss Joy. Because if I do, you're going to get mad."
    She took the top one. Headlines!
    WHIZ KID FACING
    CRIMINAL CHARGES
    NEW SUITS PLAGUE
    NOTORIOUS OUTLAW
    In a bombshell development in Superior Court yesterday, Judge Hammer Twist set into motion the international actions which may bring Wister, the Whiz Kid, to sterilization and life imprisonment.
    The deadly charge of the rape of a minor hovered above the head of the beleaguered outlaw.
    New suits levied by Maizie Spread, Toots Switch and Dolores Pubiano de Copula are certain to bring ruin and devastation to the hunted criminal....
    The Countess Krak grabbed another paper. Then she grabbed a third. Then a fourth!
    "BLAST!" she said. "There's no slightest mention of the cancellation of the other suits or dismissal of the false charges of bigamy! Are they on the radio or TV?"
    Bang-Bang shook his head.
    "I don't understand it!" wailed the Countess. "The

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