Free Lost Wishes by Kelly Gendron

my eyes but keep them fixed to the ceiling. “When her sugar gets too low, she gets delirious, confused, and sees shit. That’s all.”
    “This has happened before?”
    “Yeah, a few times.” I lower my head but keep looking straight ahead at the wall. “She’s a brittle diabetic, and you and her talking about…” I rush my fingers through my hair. Fuck, I haven’t spoken Hope’s name in years. “Well, like I said, it just happens.” I walk over to the sofa, pick up the monitor, and put it away in the kitchen.
    In what world could I compare any woman to Hope? Hope with her dark hair, near black eyes, and soft pink smile. A people pleaser with a huge heart. Katie, the total opposite, fairer in appearance, and her kindness derived from some sort of admirable determination. Fuck! What am I doing? A simple no, Katie doesn’t look like Hope would’ve sufficed, asshole.
    The walls start closing in on me, and all I want to do is walk out of the damn door. But when I hit the living room and my eyes land on Katie, I stop. She’s sitting in the chair, rubbing her hands over her face. Serves her right, she should’ve kept her nose out of my business and not discussed Hope with Twigs. I shouldn’t care if she blames herself for what happened to Twigs. I should just leave. But, motherfucker, I can’t.
    I crouch down in front of her and place my palm on her thigh. Her hands still. She peers at me from just above the tips of her fingers. Again, my tongue forgets how to work. It’s those fucking eyes, I lose all sense of time, situation, and, hell, I even forget to breathe when I look at them.
    She pushes the long blond strands of fallen hair back from her face, sets her hands on her lap, and looks at the hand I rest on her thigh. A strand falls from behind her ear. It cascades across her cheek. I reach up and slowly push it back. My fingers remain on her warm flesh. They glide down her neck, trace her necklace, and I pinch the small pendant.
    “Did you lose her young?”
    “She died giving birth to me,” she says in barely a whisper, eyes still trained on my hand.
    “Your father raised you then?”
    “My father fed me, clothed me, and he gave me shelter.”
    I release the necklace, and with my knuckle, I lift her chin until our eyes meet. “He blamed you?”
    She nods. “Early on in the pregnancy, my mother was warned of the risks if she carried me full-term. While she was giving birth to me, he begged the doctor to save her and not me. But from the beginning, my mother made her wishes clear to her doctor. If it came down to it, they were to save me.”
    My jaw clenches. “She loved you.”
    “I guess, but she must’ve loved him, too. She married him. I’m not sure why. He was a cold, heartless man. The second I graduated high school, I got out of his life.” She touches the pendant. “Before I left, he gave me this necklace. He told me that I took everything else from him, and I might as well take this, too.”
    My thumb strokes her cheek. “Love does fucked-up things to people.”
    “I wouldn’t know,” she smirks.
    “You’ve never been in love?”
    She shakes her head. And I’m not about to question her. With no mother around, a bastard for a father, who was there to show her how to love?
    “My father was a drunk, and it got him killed when I was in my teens. My mother, cancer had got her a year before I lost…” Fuck, I don’t want to go to my dark place with this woman. Why am I telling her this shit anyway? I pull my hand from her cheek, stand up, and take a step back to clear the air between us.
    “Twigs told me about the accident.” Her eyes follow me. “I’m sorry, Fallon.”
    I gaze down at her. “You’re not to blame for what happened to Twigs today, what happened to your mother, or for what happened to my wife. So, you don’t get to apologize for any of it. The man who killed Hope…”  I waver as Hope’s name tumbles from my mouth. My hand balls into a fist, and I hold back