Free Blubber by Judy Blume

him. “And wipe that blob of toothpaste off the counter.”
    Kenny ran his towel along the countertop. “I hope you like raking up leaves. If you’d stayed home like me you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
    “Oh … shut up, you dumb ass, before I bash your face in!”
    I heard him laughing all the way to his room.
    When I got into bed I thought about who had identified us. It must have been Blubber! She threatened to get me and she did.

13
“You can’t go around
scratching all day.”
    We were late starting out for the bar mitzvah because of Kenny. He didn’t want to wear a tie and jacket. “If I can’t go in play clothes then I’ll just stay home!” he said.
    My father doesn’t yell often, but when he does you can hear him as far as Tracy’s house, maybe even farther. Afterwards he is hoarse for days and has to drink tea with honey. Kenny got the message and put on his new tie and jacket, complaining the whole time that he couldn’t swallow and might even choke to death.
    I was ready long before anyone else and while they were rushing around I was in the kitchen, making myself a peanut butter sandwich, just in case I didn’t like the bar mitzvah lunch. I wrapped it in silver foil and put it in my shoulder bag.
    By the time we got to the temple in New Jersey it was after eleven. There was no place to park so Dad dropped us off in front while he drove around the block.
    The temple sat on top of a hill and as we climbed the steps leading to it Mom said, “Listen, Jill … you can’t go around scratching all day. It doesn’t look nice.”
    “I can’t help it,” I said. “You’re the one who picked out this itchy dress.”
    “It’s too late to do anything about that now. Try and keep your mind on something else.”
    “I’ll try,” I said, but as soon as Mom looked away I gave myself a quick scratch.
    “We just climbed up thirty-seven steps” Kenny announced, when we reached the top.
    Only Kenny would think of counting!
    “Whew …” Mom said. “No wonder I’m winded.” She pushed the door open and we walked inside.
    I looked all around. “Wow … this is some big place.”
    “It certainly is,” Mom said. “It’s enormous.”
    “Yeah … but it’s not the biggest synagogue in the world,” Kenny told us. “The biggest synagogue in the world is in New York. It’s on Fifth Avenue and it’s called Temple Emanu-El. It holds six thousand people.”
    “Tell the little computer to keep his facts to himself today … please, Mom.”
    “Kenny’s facts are very interesting,” Mom said.
    “Yeah …”
    “Not to me,” I told him.
    “Stop arguing … we’ve got to find the sanctuary,” Mom said. “We’re late enough now.”
    We walked all around before we came to a man standing in a doorway. He had rosy cheeks and a flower in his buttonhole. He smiled at Mom and handed her a prayerbook. Then he put his finger to his lips as if me and Kenny didn’t know enough to be quiet. We followed Mom into the sanctuary.
    Warren was on the stage. He looked as creepy as ever, except for his hair. That looked worse. Usually it hangs into his eyes but today it was parted and looked like it had been sprayed.
    As soon as he noticed us tiptoeing into the sanctuary he stopped reciting, right in the middle of a prayer. Everyone turned around to see who Warren was watching. My mother tried to smile but as she took a seat in the last row she dropped her pocketbook. It has a chain handle so when it hit the floor it made a clinking noise. Mom bent down and picked it up. She had this funny look on her face. I recognized it rightaway. It meant
I don’t think I can live through this without a cigarette
. I’m very good at knowing what my mother is thinking.
    Warren went back to his prayer but he must have lost his place because he stumbled along until the Rabbi pointed and said a few words. I was really surprised that Warren could read Hebrew at all. The last time he was over I showed him my