Free Spooky Little Girl by Laurie Notaro Page B

these flippers! This is just asking too much. I’m in rubber here. I’m basically dressed in a
tire!
Had I known that this was going to be my eternal fashion projection, I would have worn my curvy jeans and strappy sandals to feed that stupid shark. I don’t see how this is fair. You need to start warning people before they get devoured.”
    Ruby smiled. “Like I said, you were a surprise to us, dear, even though you were dressed like a walrus with press-on nails. I don’t think you’ll find anyone in here who believes a shark was not going to find you appetizing. You were like a floating pig in a blanket. But this brings us to one of the most exciting parts of Transition,” she said excitedly as she pulled out something that resembled a magazine from the bottom of her stack of folders and binders. “I agree that wearing a wet suit would not only be cumbersome for your assignment in the afterlife, but a little ineffective as well.”
    Ruby stepped down off the stage and walked over to Bethanny as she flipped through the pages. “Here we go,” she said, and she laid it into the girl’s eagerly awaiting rubber arms. “Pages thirty through sixty are considered the women’s section, although we do have some crossover for our alternative lifestyle specters, in the ‘Ladies but Gents’ section. Now, don’t be hasty. Make sure you’ve looked at everything before you make your decision. This is for your entire assignment, remember. There are no returns once you’ve made your choice.”
    Bethanny gasped, and a smile spread across her face as she went from page to page. Lucy couldn’t help but put her mania aside fora moment and steal a peek at what Bethanny was flipping through. It looked like a catalog, filled with images of clothing and costuming for just about any era, style, or role.
    “Oooooh,” Bethanny cooed as she pointed to a pretty woman in flowing robes, looking almost like a Greek goddess. “‘The Ethereal White Lady.’ Oh, I like that one a lot. It looks very comfortable and could be rather formfitting, too, if need be.”
    “Very popular.” Ruby nodded at the selection. “We do a lot of White Ladies. It’s probably the closest to Angel Wear you’ll find of all the choices. And just think of how lovely that’s going to look underwater. I mean, I think we’re talking legendary.”
    Lucy couldn’t peel her eyes away. There were grand Civil War-era ball gowns, several different Victorian dresses boasting bustles of black silk and long ebony veils of netting, several pages of wedding gowns for every century and decade, offerings made of basic fabrics for Viking maidens, a whole section for royal court wear from Elizabeth I to Victoria, waitress and nurse uniforms, what seemed like a whole section of the costuming from
Oliver Twist
, and even the most basic selection of simply a loincloth and a string of lumpy beads.
    “Is this a catalog of morgue wear?” Lucy asked unbelievingly. “This whole thing is for ghost fashion?”
    “Not everyone dies in the most appropriate outfit, Lucy,” Ruby reminded her. Then she slyly shot her eyes over to Mrs. Wootig, whose lips barely rested above the collar of her puffy ski jacket. “In fact, some would look completely ridiculous attempting to spirit in what they were wearing during expiration. Appearance is ninety percent of this job, and if you don’t look the part, you’re wasting everyone’s time. Don’t dress as the ghost you are; dress for the ghost
you want to be
.”
    “I like this one, too,” Bethanny said, tapping another image with her finger. “‘The Titanic.’ The beading on it is fantastic, and itlooks like there’s a Wonderbra built right in. This is a knockoff of Kate Winslet’s dress, isn’t it?”
    Ruby shrugged and gave a mischievous smile.
    “Aha! I thought so. I could haunt in this. I could
really
haunt in this!” Bethanny said excitedly. “Does Celtic flute background music come with this dress? Please say