Free Keep You From Harm by Debra Doxer

she was making for me. But now, I find myself slipping back into that place of bitterness and resentment. I don’t want to think about what I could have had, but it’s hard not to when it’s paraded in front of me this way.
    I roll over onto my side and stare at Penelope’s toys in the corner of the room. I don’t have any homework left to do, and I don’t bother getting undressed. I just lay there in the dark, trying to extinguish the spark of anger inside me that threatens to catch fire. But I can’t quite manage it.
    The last image I have of her won’t be ignored tonight. I keep seeing it, like a movie that’s paused on one scene, never moving backward or forward. I see the blood. I see her vacant stare. I feel the cold nothingness that is her skin when I touch it. I lay there awake, all night, restless and conflicted, thinking too much, until the first muted signs of morning begin to brighten the dark corners of my basement bedroom.

I ’m a zombie the next day. I’m running on no sleep, and I still feel choked with emotions that I can’t seem to bury. Myles and I walk to school together again. I manage to put on a good face for him. Luckily, once April joins us, I don’t have to participate in the conversation because she happily monopolizes it.
    I am vaguely aware of Lucas in my morning classes. He offers me his usual tight half-smile when his gaze lands on me, but much to my relief, he doesn’t try to walk with me again in the hallway. That could be because I don’t answer his grin with one of my own despite the way my pulse kicks up when I see him. I’m just too drained to deal with his silent intensity today.
    “I’m going to sit with Gwen in the caf,” I tell Myles when he appears at my locker before lunch.
    He wrinkles his brow. “Who?”
    “Gwen Westfield. She works in the office. She has black hair and always dresses in black.”
    He squints at me. “You know her?”
    “You don’t? This school isn’t that big.”
    “She just started here last year,” he shrugs. “I never really see her around. Besides, she seems weird.”
    “I just started here last week and you were more than happy to befriend me.” Then I have a light bulb moment. “Did Kyle ask you to be friends with me?”
    His eyes dart away from mine.
    “Oh my god. He did. Didn’t he?”
    He holds his hand up. “He didn’t ask me to be friends with you. I decided to do that on my own. He just asked me to introduce you around. To make you feel comfortable.”
    I run my hands over my face. “Did he tell you and your friends about my mom and everything that happened? Did that make you feel bad for me or something?”
    “Wait a minute,” he says, raising his voice now. “You’ve got it wrong. Kyle only told me that he found out about you a couple of years ago, and because your mom passed away, you were coming here to live with him. Then he asked me to show you around. That’s it. It was Chloe who came by later and gossiped about you and your situation to my mom while April and Lucas were over. That’s how they know about it. I never would have said anything to them. I never would have done more than show you where the front office is at school if I didn’t actually want to be your friend, which I do. Okay?”
    I just stare at him. I’m on emotional overload today. I need to get a hold of myself. “Okay,” I finally say. Then I offer him a grin to reinforce it.
    “Okay,” he mimics with a quick head nod. “Let’s go eat.”
    “But I’m still eating with Gwen.”
    He stops walking.
    “She’s my friend, too. I want to sit with her. You can join us.”
    “Maybe I will,” he says, as though it’s a challenge he needs to meet.
    But when we arrive in the cafeteria, April pats the seat beside her and Myles glances at me apologetically.
    “Go sit with Lois Lane,” I whisper, pushing him playfully on the shoulder. Then I spot Gwen sitting at a round table in the back with two other people I don’t know. I head in