Free 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by How to Talk to Anyone

landed her dream job. She had been my buddy since grade school, and I was floating on air over her birthday-engagement-congratulations bash.
    I had heard one of the best French restaurants in town had an attractive back room for parties. About 5 p.m. one afternoon, I wafted happily into the restaurant and found the seated maître d’
    languidly looking over his reservation book. I began excitedly babbling about Stella’s triple-whammy celebration and asked to see that fabulous back room I’d heard so much about. Without a smile or moving a muscle, he said, “Zee room ees een zee back. You can go zee eet eef you like.”
    CRASH. What a party pooper! His morose mood kicked all
    the party spirit out of me, and I no longer wanted to rent his stupid space. Before I even looked at the room, he lost the rental. I left his restaurant vowing to find a place where the management would at least appear to share the joy of the happy occasion. Every mother knows this instinctively. To quiet a whimpering infant, Mama doesn’t just shake her finger and shout, “Quiet down.” No, Mama picks baby up. Mama cries, “Ooh, ooh, oh,”
    sympathetically matching baby’s misery for a few moments. Mama then gradually transitions the two of them into hush-hush happy 02 (043-92B) part two 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 50
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    How to Talk to Anyone
    sounds. Your listeners are all big babies! Match their mood if you want them to stop crying, start buying, or otherwise come ’round to your way of thinking.
    Technique #10
    Make a Mood Match
    Before opening your mouth, take a “voice sample” of
    your listener to detect his or her state of mind. Take a
    “psychic photograph” of the expression to see if your
    listener looks buoyant, bored, or blitzed. If you ever
    want to bring people around to your thoughts, you
    must match their mood and voice tone, if only for a
    moment.
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    ✰ 11 How to Sound Like
    You’ve Got a Super
    Personality (No Matter
    What You’re Saying!)
    Once while at a party, I spotted a fellow surrounded by a fan club of avid listeners. The chap was smiling, gesticulating, and obviously enthralling his audience. I went over to hearken to this fascinating speaker. I joined his throng of admirers and eavesdropped for a minute or two. Suddenly, it dawned on me: the fellow was saying the most banal things! His script was dull, dull, dull. Ah, but he was delivering his prosaic observations with such passion, and therefore, he held the group spellbound. It convinced me that it’s not all what you say, it’s how you say it.
    “What’s a Good Opening Line When
    I Meet People?”
    I am often asked this question, and I give them the same answer a woman who once worked in my office always gave me. Dottie often stayed at her desk to work through lunch. Sometimes, as I was leaving for the sandwich shop, I’d ask her, “Hey Dottie, what can I bring you back for lunch?”
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    Dottie, trying to be obliging, would say, “Oh anything is fine with me.”
    “No, Dottie!” I wanted to scream. “Tell me what you want. Ham ’n’ cheese on rye? Bologna on whole wheat, hold the mayo?
    Peanut butter ’n’ jelly with sliced bananas? Be specific. ‘Anything’
    is a hassle.”
    Frustrating though it may be, my answer to the opening-line question is “Anything!” because almost anything you say really is OK—as long as it puts people at ease and sounds passionate. How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar. When you do that, you break down walls of fear, suspicion, and mistrust.
    Why Banal Makes a Bond
    Samuel I. Hayakawa was a college president, U.S. senator, and brilliant linguistic analyst of Japanese origin. He tells us this story that shows the value of, as he says, “unoriginal remarks.”11
    In early