Free Me Without You by Kelly Rimmer Page A

for breakfast?’
    ‘You do realise vegans are not a whole other species. We eat food too, not just at night, but at all times of the day. Let me have a shower and I’ll whip you up some fakin’ bacon.’
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    W e sat out on the balcony. In the darkness the night before, I hadn’t realised that it contained a veritable forest of herbs and pot plants in various states of health. Some were not just dead, they were starting to compost. There were random-sized and coloured pots in every available space, including two long grey rectangles fixed to the top of the balcony edge.
    ‘I didn’t inherit Dad’s green thumb and there’s no Leon and Nancy here to tend these ones,’ she sighed when I asked her about the skeletal plants.
    ‘Leon and Nancy?’
    ‘The caretakers at my Gosford house. They’re amazing. I could take these dead plants up there and they’d be harvesting them in days.’
    ‘What’s your real name?’
    It genuinely slipped out; I suppose there was a great deal of curiosity dammed up behind the question by then and the pressure just grew too great, but I had planned to raise the issue with at least some subtlety.
    She stirred her coffee. I don’t know why she was stirring it—there was no sugar, just a splash of almond milk. The stirring seemed to take a very long time. Eventually she looked at up me.
    ‘Saoirse Delilah MacDonald.’
    ‘Seer-sha?’ I tried to repeat the word the way she’d said it, but it was completely new to me. She gave me a knowing look.
    ‘My point exactly. It’s Gaelic—spelt S-a-o-i-r-s-e. Which is fine if you’re in Dublin and it’s a normal name, but we’re not in Dublin and in spite of us moving every five minutes, we never so much as passed through the place. So I spent the first two decades of my life being called Sao Iris which isn’t even close. ‘
    ‘Sao Iris,’ I laughed. ‘Where did the name come from?’
    ‘Dad was Irish; his mother was Saoirse. She died just before I was born so they seemed to think it was fitting, but I suspect Mum regretted it pretty quickly. For as long as I can remember, she just called me Lilah.’
    ‘Saoirse,’ I repeated correctly this time. ‘It’s actually a beautiful name.’
    ‘It is, and it means liberty or something along those lines. I don’t dislike it—I still use it professionally.’
    ‘You told me your surname was Owens?’
    ‘Mum’s maiden name, my grandparents’ surname. I was worried you’d track me down and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be tracked down. Actually, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to be tracked down.’
    ‘So why the change of heart?’
    ‘Who says I’ve had a change of heart?’ It was Lilah’s turn to laugh. She was wearing only sunglasses and a dressing gown but appeared totally at ease. ‘I don’t know, Callum. This is great—these last few nights have been amazing—but nothing has changed. I’m just not looking for a boyfriend.’
    I thought about this for a moment. Below us, the waves rolled into the beach, and the sound filled the silence, which meant I felt comfortable to contemplate her words a lot longer than I probably would have otherwise.
    ‘I have lost count of how many women I’ve slept with,’ I said, when I’d formed the right sentence in my mind. ‘I’m not proud of that; I guess in some ways I’m ashamed of it. I used to be the one who did the walk of shame, who gave the false name, who didn’t call when I said I would. I don’t think I believe in marriage or monogamy. And I’m not saying all of that to be anything other than honest, because I appreciate that’s exactly what you’re doing here too.’
    Even behind the dark glasses, I could feel her eyes on mine. It boggled my mind that we could share such an intimate discussion after only a few nights together and that I would feel not even a hint of embarrassment.
    ‘I don’t know where this is headed, Lilah. But can’t we just share whatever path it takes while it lasts?’ I was impressed