Free Sex Made Easy by Debby Herbenick

store-bought lubricants can also change the way sex feels, as can a person’s psychological excitement or how “into” sex they feel. If you think back to your earliest sexual experiences, you can probably recall times when you didn’t have intercourse or any other kind of contact with a penis, but kissing, making out, and touching each other were so incredibly arousing that you thought you might burst with excitement. To focus on penis size as the most important thing to sex is to miss the point—and a whole host of other ways you could be making sex better.
    Some men, feeling anxious about their penis size, might ask, “Am I big enough for you?” or “How do I compare to other guys you’ve been with?” These are tricky questions. Size matters less than many people—including many experienced women—think it does. If a woman’s vagina is very wetand lubricated, her vagina may feel roomier or he will feel smaller (it all depends on your perspective). Then again, if her vagina is less well lubricated, it may feel tighter and his penis may seem larger or as if there is more sensation during sex. This is one reason why sex between men and women is rarely about one person’s size and more about genital fit between the two people.
    That said, there are only so many ways to help a guy feel good about his penis. And while you can be helpful and encouraging, it’s not your job to stroke his ego, or his penis’s ego. But you can help. Here’s what I suggest:
    If his penis has even the smallest chance of working for you, then fall in love with it. Kiss it, stroke it, and look at it with enthusiasm during oral sex. Tell him that one day you’d be happy to sit around, stream a movie, and make out and lick his penis—assuming, of course, that this is true and you’ve been tested for STIs and are comfortable with each other’s STI status. Tell him how good it feels inside you or how great you two fit together. Squeeze your vaginal muscles around it. Slide up and down his penis during woman-on-top sex. Get the picture? Make his penis a wonderful part of sex play.
    If he asks you to compare his penis size to other men, tell him that his penis is a good size for you and that you refuse to compare. Let him know, too, that size is only part of the picture. All the other things matter, too, such as _____. Fill in the blanks with what matters to you, such as oral sex technique, being romantic in bed, getting into dirty talk, being open to bondage play, using sex toys together, or having a penchant for public sex; this is your chance to reinforce what’s important to you. Bottom line— show him that his penis is an amazing part of sex and you won’t have to keep telling him.
13. What to do if . . . he’s achingly big
    If your partner’s penis is uncomfortably large, don’t give up! This is easier to tackle than it may seem. Try these things before cutting him loose—I know a few wonderful couples these tricks have worked for who were able to stay together even though they initially thought they weren’t a good fit.
    â€¢ Check in with your health care provider. You need to make sure that all is OK on your end. Some women have anatomical issues suchas a hymenal ring that prevents entry. Other times, pain disorders such as vulvodynia or vaginismus are at the root of what feels like impossible entry.
    â€¢ Spend at least fifteen minutes in foreplay. Do things that you truly find exciting and arousing. This may take some courage if you haven’t previously let him know what drives you wild. One sex therapist I know advises women to delay having sex until their vagina is practically throbbing with arousal and anticipation. Foreplay gives your body time to lubricate naturally and also kick-starts the wondrous process of vaginal tenting (this is when the vagina—which is normally about three to four inches long when