Free A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens by Kate Williams Page B

a ladder, built to attain something. But afterward you must throw the ladder away, because you discover that even as it was useful, it was meaningless. UMBERTO ECO
Every way of looking at the world has its limits. As imperfect humans, we don't have one single worldview that can explain everything or guide us always.
I had to be open to see things outside my worldview. As you know from the last few chapters, I see the world through the eyes of a believer in Twelve Step programs and family therapy. But I realize that a single outlook does not work for everybody. In fact, whenever we accept one view, we often tend to shut out other information that may be useful.

 

Page 100
Experts on adolescence have said that to be healthy, teenagers need to have a sense of belonging in three areas: home, school, and spirituality. We've delved deeply into family matters, so let's take a closer look at school and spirituality.
First, take a few minutes and forget everything you know about family systems and addiction and look at your child separate from the family. Besides family issues, what has been bothering your child? What are your child's continuing obsessions? Animal rights? Pollution? A feeling of not fitting in? Worry about being good enough to get into college? Think about what you've head your child say, and try to remember if any sentences have been dominant, such as ''I'm so dumb.'' Take stock of what is happening in your child's life.
School
Many adolescents feel pressured by school, by expectations about college, and by the pressures to conform that have always run rampant in American high schools. There's acute tension in almost every high school in this country to fit in, get high, dress the right way, wear your hair right, etc. As our therapist remarked, "It's a jungle out there." It's probably worse now than when we were in high school because the culture has become so much more materialistic, sexualized, and greedy.

 

Page 101
Appearances are more important than ever before. So you might consider what kind of pressures your child has at school. Ask your child that question and listen to the range of answers. Does it feel like there are secrets, harassment, or tensions your child can't verbalize? Is your child saying something that doesn't fit into the pattern? Is your child being harassed for being different?
Rachel had gone around saying, "I'm so dumb" for several years. I knew she was smart and perceptive, so I couldn't understand where she got this idea. When she was in treatment and would say she was dumb, the staff and her peers would say, "Uh oh, low self-esteem. Gotta work on that."
Six months after treatment, Rachel got very angry about school. I didn't know what it was about and neither did she. One October night in 1989 we watched The Cosby Show. On this particular episode, Theo was diagnosed by his college teacher as being dyslexic. At every turn of the plot when Theo described a problem with learning, Rachel would say, "That's how I feel, Mom." For example, Theo said he studied hard for a test but when he read how the question was worded, he went blank. Rachel said, "I do too." The show was a revelation. I was amazed. Another piece of the puzzle fell into place. I called the school social worker the next day, and they tested her for learning disabilities. She has major problems

 

Page 102
with dyslexia, a term the professional educators don't use. Her disabilities affect her reading, paraphrasing, memory, and the ability to understand abstractions and process information. It's difficult for her to get the letters on the page to "hold still" long enough to get the ideas into her brain. I discovered she can read out loud faster with the book turned upside down than she can "the right way." She had done a phenomenal job of getting by at school by overcompensating, listening, even cheating on tests. Oddly enough, her disability makes it easy to read her neighbor's paper during a test! Her teacher and school