Free My Teenage Dream Ended by Farrah Abraham

trying to fall asleep and then all of a sudden we were making out and taking it all the way. It was good, but I felt like I had completely gone against my morals by having sex with someone I knew I was never going to be in love with. I was shocked by my behavior. I had never imagined having an experience like this with any guy other than Derek.
    I didn’t want anyone outside of my circle of friends to know that I had hooked up with Rebound Guy or to find out that we had slept together. Maybe I would tell Derek…eventually. There was a part of me, though, that was glad I had experienced sex with another guy. In a way, it made me feel like I could relate more to Derek, since he’d had sex with six other girls. I tried to be positive about it and see what would come out of this new experience.
    Around this time, one of my friends had a pregnancy scare and a bunch of us decided to go to Planned Parenthood after school one day to get birth control. When I told Rebound Guy I had gone on the pill, I was surprised that he didn’t seem more supportive. We had used a condom the time that we had sex and I planned to keep using them, to protect myself from STDs, but I felt like it would be a plus if I was on the pill. The only reaction I got from him was, “That’s good for you.”
    I could tell he was trying to distance himself. I said I would talk to him later and told my girls about his less than enthusiastic reaction. I confided that I wasn’t happy about having sex with someone I knew I didn’t love and that I was still confused about where Derek and I stood.
    Meanwhile, I honestly tried to get to know Rebound Guy. It took me weeks to sort things out in my head. I would go to his house after practice; we would talk, watch movies, go to parties and hang out with mutual friends. We were good together. We were popular; we had fun and other people were jealous of us being together. But we could sense that we each had unfinished business with our exes. We were both attached to what we had, and our exes were starting to act out behind our backs out of jealousy.
    I was never blown away by Rebound Guy, but at least at first there was no drama. That didn’t last long, though. Our relationship hit the breaking point after about a month. We went to a party together and the next day at school gossip about us caught up to Derek’s sister. She came up to me in the hall and asked if I was dating a black guy. It felt like some kind of accusation. I said, “Yeah,” and kept walking past her. I knew damn well she was going to run back to Derek and tattle.
    I guess she must have told Derek right away, because by lunch he was on the phone yelling at me. (Since our class schedules didn’t allow us to see each other anymore, we had to call each other to talk during school.) I let him yell for a while and then told him I would call him back.
    I knew I had to break things off with Rebound Guy. That day I told him that Derek was mad we were talking. He said he understood because supposedly his ex-girlfriend was jealous, too. He confided that she tried to talk to him every day at school and that she was doing everything she could to get him back . I was worried that she was going to talk trash about me or inch her way towards Derek, and that thought was intolerable. We agreed to quit hanging out together.
    Once I had settled things with Rebound Guy, it was time to figure out where I stood with Derek. I didn’t call him back when I said I would. Instead, I texted him and told him I needed to tell him something and I would call him later that day. After my last class, I went into the bathroom to call him. I desperately wanted to get back together with Derek and have everything work out and be fine. I wanted to forget all our issues and act like we had never broken up. I wanted to be done playing games. I wanted Derek to be real with me about his feelings and I wanted to share my honest feelings, too. I knew it was going to be hard, but I took a