Free Heart of Tantric Sex by Diana Richardson Page B

swallow, try to relax into not swallowing, allowing the repressed energy to move up and out. It takes quite some effort to resist the reflex to swallow, but it is well worth it. You may find that some laughter or tears, or even strong coughing lies beneath the reflex action, and allowing this expression brings you into contact with your sexual energy at a deeper level.
    Playing with your breathing
    As you begin to bring your breath into focus, it is easiest to start with an out-breath first. Expel all the air from the chest, really force it out. Hold your lungs empty for a few seconds, then relax, and the breath will arrive forcefully to expand your chest in a wonderful in-breath. This brings instant consciousness to breath. The physical inrush of it gives an immediate experience of the vitality of the breath, and helps to connect with the flow inward and outward. Do this a few times if you like, and breathe deeply and slowly in a nice steady rhythm. Usually, as we get excited in sex and move toward orgasm and ejaculation, the breath will become shorter and faster, so breathing in the opposite way, deeply and slowly, will create a relaxed environment for the sexual energy. Tantra says that when lovers remain in rhythmic breathing in unison, there will be no ejaculation. If the breath is in rhythm, the body absorbs the energy; it never throws it out.
    You can also breathe in with a sniff, sniff, sniff from time to time. The entire in-breath can be made up of many short sniffs until the breath is complete. Wait a moment and feel the life-giving force of the retained breath. Then exhale. A series of short sniffing breaths helps intensify the feeling of the breath entering the body, and also focuses the awareness in the third eye. Have some fun and experiment. Imagine the breath penetrating your body, wrapping around each cell. Intensify the experience by looking into each other's eyes while you breathe. However you decide to play with the breath, make it creative and interesting for yourself. But always remember to feel the breath and keep breathing into the boundary of it. Breathing into the lungs, between the cells, imagine the blood absorbing the oxygen and bringing more life.
    When you make love in the deepest relaxation, consciousness merged with breath, the breath gets lighter, delicate and quiet, and may actually stop momentarily. You breathe and the breath does not turn again. If this occurs, there is nothing wrong; it is a wondrous and silent moment. No outward flow of energy is happening, so the breath is not needed. Remain suspended, embraced by the arms of no-time, and just be in this paradise. The breathing will start up again of its own accord and the sexual energy will receive an unexpected kick, surging upward and coursing ecstatically through the inner bodily channels. You and your lover will be merged with the force of life itself.

 L  OVERS OFTEN COME TO SEE ME in distress, not necessarily because the sex is difficult, but because communication is a disaster. They are suffering from so many misunderstandings and arguments. Events from the past, old arguments and issues, continually disturb the precious present moment. They tell me that they haven't made love for days or weeks because they have been busy blaming each other, trying to determine who is right and who is wrong, who is controlling whom, and they have ended up in an exhausted delirium. Ultimately they fall asleep in each other's arms, grateful for a respite before they wake up and begin again.
    How to express your feelings
    The truth is that some people are naturally good at saying what they feel when they feel it. Others are not even sure what they feel, let alone when they are feeling it, and they can't seem to share their most obscure inner feelings. When emotions are high, words may seem inadequate if they form at all. Whether or not a person is skilled at communicating, most people agree that sharing and being straightforward is a delicate